The school year draws to a close and I reflect back in all of the things that my children have learned. Some of them are academic, some of them are social and some are neither, but it has definitely been a year of growth.
I am amazed at the amount of work and effort it takes to educate the children. It is a balance between state and board requirements, assessments and charts and doing a good job and doing what is right. Add to that the fact that some kids come with other needs that have not been met and the likelihood of success is greatly diminished. Despite the limits, complications and everything else that comes to light while the kids are school, the lesson continues, the learning flows and the teachers push a bit more, the kids learn a bit more, and we all belief just a little bit more.
I have learned a lot this year too. I have learned that there is no way that you can be with these children for such a long time and not become emotionally involved. My own heart swells as they come to me with their little arms outstretched and hug me as their day begins. There is so much more than learning when you are involved with these children.
There is love.
If there was truly a labor of love it is that of teaching a child. It is the building him or her up with so much faith in themselves that they believe in their little hearts that they will accomplish that which they must do. It is earning their trust enough that they can come to you anytime and building respect so that they may function inside their little community. It is coming every morning and leading them into a love of learning so that they not only learn how to add and subtract, but they also learn how to think and make good choices.
The teachers at Wilmington Schools have taught me to look into the eyes of each of these children and to know their story and to believe in them and to give of myself to them, completely. It is their passion in developing each of these little beings, their believe that they can be so much more than we imagine that keeps them at it, every morning, every day, for 365 days a year, for you don’t really believe that the love and concern stops when they move on to the next grade do you?
To the teachers who have given everything they have to give, who have pushed, who have prodded, who have expected more of the children and have shown me how to be helpful and assist in their learning process, I am eternally grateful. Thank you for believing in my child and thank you for the love and dedication you have shown. A little bit of you will forever remain in my child and I am blessed that they have learned so much from you.
Even in high school the teachers have an integral part of the kids’ life. The teachers they feel they can go to and the teachers they feel they can reach out to; those are the ones that they will remember forever.
To all of the teachers everywhere, thank you.
Mrs. Barley, Mrs. Spahr, thank you for allowing me into your classroom, for teaching me by your wonderful example how to reach each child and for allowing me to be a part of their life. What I have given seems so little compared to what I take away, yet I will be back, again and again and look forward to working with you again.
Mr. Wallingford, Mr. Geggie, being able to reach and talk to a teenager and inspiring them to more is a task that seems daunting, yet you manage it with such ease. Aside from my personal experience from meeting you, I hear the kids talk about you and I am grateful for your dedication and your gift. Thank you for being a bright light in the nebulous path of teenagedom.
And Mrs. Alford, wherever you are, thank you for believing in me; your words follow me wherever I go, gracias mamá.
Claudia Martini-Garlo
Wilmington
As submitted to the Wilmington News Journal, Wilmington, Ohio
May 28, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Closer to you....
One day I will go back, I will hold you in my arms and I will tell you that the pain that we caused each other is forgiven, it’s forgotten and gone.
One day I will go back and I will tell you that your stories taught me about life, that the memories of our times together pushed me to seek the truth within me.
One day I will go back and I will tell you that there is so much of you in me, your thoughts, your ideas, your melancholy.
One day I will go back and show you my writings and watch you read them expectantly, hoping that you like them, looking for the appreciation in your smile.
One day I will go back and take you your grandchildren so you can love them exuberantly like you loved me, so you can tell them your stories and sing to them your songs, do you remember?
One day I will go back and beg your forgiveness, I will tell you that I was proud, that I was arrogant that I thought that the love that we shared could be left behind, I was so wrong.
The day is gone, the moment over, the opportunity lost. Left in my heart is the careful moment I orchestrated in my head, I would find you, we would recognize each other and in an embrace, we would melt away all of the years, the moments, the difficulties that had kept us away from one another. You would tell me that you had missed me, that you love me and that in the 20 years we have been apart, you thought of me constantly. You would look at me and be proud of the woman I have become and take me in your arms and be that shelter that I remember from such a long time ago.
One phone call. One word. I am sorry, he is gone.
There would be no finding each other, no embrace, no I love you, no last words.
What do I do with all of this left in my heart? What do I do with the words I never spoke and the love I never gave? What can I do now that you are gone??? Who will ever understand?
I listen to the music like you did and I read the books the way you did too, I cook just as extravagantly and in my love for my children, there is the same exuberance I learnt from you. The love of life, the happy lie, the inner light, they are from you. All of it from you, and you never knew, I never told you, I didn’t get to say, I am just like you.
And just like you, I grab a paper, I reach for my pen, I write down these words for the world to read. I give of my self, like you taught me to do, from the very first time you put the pen in my hand.
I write the words that heal, the words that soothe, the words that reach across the worlds. I write the words that anger, that evoke thoughts. I write the words that come from the heart, that stir the soul, that feed the mind. I write the words that come to me, I write because that is what I do, I write because like breathing, I need it. I write because writing makes me feel closer to you.
Thank you Daddy…
One day I will go back and I will tell you that your stories taught me about life, that the memories of our times together pushed me to seek the truth within me.
One day I will go back and I will tell you that there is so much of you in me, your thoughts, your ideas, your melancholy.
One day I will go back and show you my writings and watch you read them expectantly, hoping that you like them, looking for the appreciation in your smile.
One day I will go back and take you your grandchildren so you can love them exuberantly like you loved me, so you can tell them your stories and sing to them your songs, do you remember?
One day I will go back and beg your forgiveness, I will tell you that I was proud, that I was arrogant that I thought that the love that we shared could be left behind, I was so wrong.
The day is gone, the moment over, the opportunity lost. Left in my heart is the careful moment I orchestrated in my head, I would find you, we would recognize each other and in an embrace, we would melt away all of the years, the moments, the difficulties that had kept us away from one another. You would tell me that you had missed me, that you love me and that in the 20 years we have been apart, you thought of me constantly. You would look at me and be proud of the woman I have become and take me in your arms and be that shelter that I remember from such a long time ago.
One phone call. One word. I am sorry, he is gone.
There would be no finding each other, no embrace, no I love you, no last words.
What do I do with all of this left in my heart? What do I do with the words I never spoke and the love I never gave? What can I do now that you are gone??? Who will ever understand?
I listen to the music like you did and I read the books the way you did too, I cook just as extravagantly and in my love for my children, there is the same exuberance I learnt from you. The love of life, the happy lie, the inner light, they are from you. All of it from you, and you never knew, I never told you, I didn’t get to say, I am just like you.
And just like you, I grab a paper, I reach for my pen, I write down these words for the world to read. I give of my self, like you taught me to do, from the very first time you put the pen in my hand.
I write the words that heal, the words that soothe, the words that reach across the worlds. I write the words that anger, that evoke thoughts. I write the words that come from the heart, that stir the soul, that feed the mind. I write the words that come to me, I write because that is what I do, I write because like breathing, I need it. I write because writing makes me feel closer to you.
Thank you Daddy…
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Raising teenagers
Every morning, I touch bases with my BFF Amber, just so that we know what is going on, our lives are much intertwined. So this morning she was letting me know that Jeremy, her hubby, would be bringing Kaci and telling me about the weekend plans and the babysitting Victoria would do for them.
She told me she would be picking her up at noonish . Anticipating the wonderful dinner that my husband would be making, I asked what time would she be home so we could hold off dinner until then. She told me Victoria had agreed to babysit while they went to dinner as well.
To tell you that I was shocked and upset, would be putting it mildly.
Victoria did what???
Did she forget it was Mother’s day??? No she could not have, I told her about it myself.
And at first it was ok, I got it, she had to work, she had to understand what it was like to have to work when there were things you wanted to do….
Regardless, we are not talking about 4th of July or Memorial Day, this is Mother’s Day!
Well, she had been asked to babysit in front of me and I could have said no.
But that is the point, isn’t it? She was supposed to say no…
Did you feel that???
It was a disturbance in the force. It was a hormonal mushroom cloud that detonated in the middle of Wilmington, OH.
In a case of histrionics, bigger than Vivi Abbot Walker ever displayed, (if you don’t know who she is, watch Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya sisterhood). I cried, I screamed, I held my fist up to the heavens and I cursed the fact that this child born of my body did not care at all about her mom. (Yes, this is STILL about the Mother’s Day thing). I called her and in my most martyred voice, I told her that I guess she didn’t have a mom, since she would not be celebrating Mother’s Day.
I know, I know, not nice, but I could not help myself.
I emailed her dad. (He should know what kind of inconsiderate, selfish brat he was raising)
I called my mom. (Oops! Forgot she was in Peru, good thing too, she would have told me that I did the same thing…. Don’t want to hear it mom!!!!)
I was going to call Luis (he would have asked me to take responsibility, I wasn’t there yet)
DAMN!!! 1400 minutes to call anyone and I could not think of anyone.
Finally, I called Mary, she has a teenager, she knows how it is to live with the treacherous, little conniving, inconsiderate, self-centered, hateful being that says she comes from me, but OH NO!
She could not have…. I know it, she was switched at birth!!!!
So in between sobs and agonizing tears, I told her what she had done. She had chosen NOT to spend Mother’s Day with me, her mother.
She let me cry, she let me tell her everything that was going on inside me, and in the way that we usually do, we talked about it and I felt better. I even smiled and unlocked all the doors and put her furniture back in her room, re-established service back to her cell phone and cancelled the root canal she didn’t need.
Once past the hormones and the state of devastation that I felt at the very beginning, I called Tony, and told him about what his daughter had done. Yes, I know Victoria has more than one dad, she has more than one mom too, but that’s not here, nor there!!
I began to tell Tony about the viper’s decision and in his calmest voice, he told me: Birds gotta fly outta the nest mom, I guess she is just trying out her wings.
I hate it when wisdom comes from someone I totally don’t expect. And at the moment I don’t expect it.
Two days ago, I cried at the store because my son had gone through a growth spurt, today Victoria makes decisions that I don’t like, what is Gabriela doing tomorrow? Moving out?
But so it is, you bring them into this world, you love them, you nurture them, you give them everything you can and you pray to the Gods that they are ready, that they are listening. You hold them to your heart, in your arms and you want to keep them from harm and from pain. You talk to them, yell at them, cry at them and sometimes laugh at their attempts to be grown up. But I guess the reality is that they will eventually grow up and walk out and leave and try out their wings.
I finished talking to Tony and I went to the bathroom to get something for my eyes so they are not swollen, as I looked at myself in the mirror, I recognized that look. I had seen it in my mother’s eyes many years ago, when I first tried out my wings.
I texted my daughter and told her that I love her, that I was sorry and that I was very proud of her for being responsible and working and that despite the fact that her mom was crazy, she had turned out quite wonderful. I grabbed all the baby books and went back to the first moment, to the moment I fell in love with each of my little ones.
I didn’t sign up for this, I had no idea my heart would be split in threes and walk out of my own door.
And so it is. Children come to us, children grow and children leave. And so is life…. And life goes on…
She told me she would be picking her up at noonish . Anticipating the wonderful dinner that my husband would be making, I asked what time would she be home so we could hold off dinner until then. She told me Victoria had agreed to babysit while they went to dinner as well.
To tell you that I was shocked and upset, would be putting it mildly.
Victoria did what???
Did she forget it was Mother’s day??? No she could not have, I told her about it myself.
And at first it was ok, I got it, she had to work, she had to understand what it was like to have to work when there were things you wanted to do….
Regardless, we are not talking about 4th of July or Memorial Day, this is Mother’s Day!
Well, she had been asked to babysit in front of me and I could have said no.
But that is the point, isn’t it? She was supposed to say no…
Did you feel that???
It was a disturbance in the force. It was a hormonal mushroom cloud that detonated in the middle of Wilmington, OH.
In a case of histrionics, bigger than Vivi Abbot Walker ever displayed, (if you don’t know who she is, watch Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya sisterhood). I cried, I screamed, I held my fist up to the heavens and I cursed the fact that this child born of my body did not care at all about her mom. (Yes, this is STILL about the Mother’s Day thing). I called her and in my most martyred voice, I told her that I guess she didn’t have a mom, since she would not be celebrating Mother’s Day.
I know, I know, not nice, but I could not help myself.
I emailed her dad. (He should know what kind of inconsiderate, selfish brat he was raising)
I called my mom. (Oops! Forgot she was in Peru, good thing too, she would have told me that I did the same thing…. Don’t want to hear it mom!!!!)
I was going to call Luis (he would have asked me to take responsibility, I wasn’t there yet)
DAMN!!! 1400 minutes to call anyone and I could not think of anyone.
Finally, I called Mary, she has a teenager, she knows how it is to live with the treacherous, little conniving, inconsiderate, self-centered, hateful being that says she comes from me, but OH NO!
She could not have…. I know it, she was switched at birth!!!!
So in between sobs and agonizing tears, I told her what she had done. She had chosen NOT to spend Mother’s Day with me, her mother.
She let me cry, she let me tell her everything that was going on inside me, and in the way that we usually do, we talked about it and I felt better. I even smiled and unlocked all the doors and put her furniture back in her room, re-established service back to her cell phone and cancelled the root canal she didn’t need.
Once past the hormones and the state of devastation that I felt at the very beginning, I called Tony, and told him about what his daughter had done. Yes, I know Victoria has more than one dad, she has more than one mom too, but that’s not here, nor there!!
I began to tell Tony about the viper’s decision and in his calmest voice, he told me: Birds gotta fly outta the nest mom, I guess she is just trying out her wings.
I hate it when wisdom comes from someone I totally don’t expect. And at the moment I don’t expect it.
Two days ago, I cried at the store because my son had gone through a growth spurt, today Victoria makes decisions that I don’t like, what is Gabriela doing tomorrow? Moving out?
But so it is, you bring them into this world, you love them, you nurture them, you give them everything you can and you pray to the Gods that they are ready, that they are listening. You hold them to your heart, in your arms and you want to keep them from harm and from pain. You talk to them, yell at them, cry at them and sometimes laugh at their attempts to be grown up. But I guess the reality is that they will eventually grow up and walk out and leave and try out their wings.
I finished talking to Tony and I went to the bathroom to get something for my eyes so they are not swollen, as I looked at myself in the mirror, I recognized that look. I had seen it in my mother’s eyes many years ago, when I first tried out my wings.
I texted my daughter and told her that I love her, that I was sorry and that I was very proud of her for being responsible and working and that despite the fact that her mom was crazy, she had turned out quite wonderful. I grabbed all the baby books and went back to the first moment, to the moment I fell in love with each of my little ones.
I didn’t sign up for this, I had no idea my heart would be split in threes and walk out of my own door.
And so it is. Children come to us, children grow and children leave. And so is life…. And life goes on…
Saturday, May 2, 2009
All that I am...
We are the sum of all of our parts. The sum of our experiences, the sum of our lessons and the sum of the indelible footprints of the people that have shared our path. There are also some people that have made such a difference in you that you don’t even realize how much of an impact their words have had until you find yourself repeating their words.
Being a mother is the most important job I’ve ever had and will probably, ever have. Everything that I try to be, say and do is measured in how it affects my job and I take pride and delight in my job. I make mistakes, like everyone else, but I try to learn from those mistakes.
I have had the blessing of being surrounded by wonderful people who have shared their thoughts and their ways with me. With their example, they have set the path for me to follow, and I have gathered all of that and become who I am.
And so, this Mother’s Day, as I sit back and rejoice in the love that my children give me, I have to say thank you. I have to acknowledge how you have touched my life and hope that by my actions, I can honor the lesson taught. Some of you may not even be mothers but you will find that in life, lessons come from the unlikeliest people and places….
To all of you, my undying love and gratitude and I give you in my writing a little piece of me, may it serve you as your presence in my life has served me….
First and foremost, I must acknowledge my mother, to those of you that know me and know our history, you are well aware that ours has been a rocky path and that at times we have not had the best of relationships, however, I treasure each and everyone of the difficulties we have gone through. You see, she has taught me to be fierce. Her love is unshakable. Despite the difficulties she has lived through she has never given up, she is a warrior and will give her most in any given situation. Her constant need to improve herself and be more, is a source of inspiration and her hard façade may have fooled some, but it hasn’t fooled you, has it??? In her heart of hearts, she loves intensely and there isn’t a sacrifice that is large enough where her daughters and grandkids are concerned. She will tell you like it is, she is blunt, direct and sometimes she can be a bit rough, but it is out of love. It took me a long time to understand her meaning of love, it took me a long time to realize that she was just the sum of all of her experiences, but now that I do, I can accept that despite the cold and indifferent exterior, she did her absolute best, at all times. How could I ever ask for more???
Alongside with my mother, her sisters have been a constant source of inspiration. In my early years, I was blessed to be immersed in my Tia Tere’s love. Her willingness to love unconditionally. She was the very first one that taught me about that kind of love. She taught us to love our family and to honor that love and to stand beside them. She taught us about our cousins from afar talking about them as if we already knew them, so that when I finally came here, it was easy to fall into rapport with them. She had planted the seeds for the relationship we would have. She taught me that humor is more valuable than money and whenever I get sad, I think of one of her antics and all is well again.
Mina is the epitome of generosity. Not because she is always distributing food to everyone, although I would kill for one of her flans right now, but because she selflessly has given ALL of us a little bit of her self. In her giant heart, she has made room for our equally giant family and she always cares, she always shows it and with a phone call, with a card, with a gesture, she has woven her way into our souls and shown us that love is the answer.
Teco was my aunt too, but she never acted like an aunt. To me she was someone loving and understanding that was wonderful to have around, like a blanket that protects you and keeps you, going to her house and talking to her was an escape, it was sacred ground. She was all-accepting, and she listened to my childhood woes as if I was telling her the most important story in the world, there was something soothing in her presence and I always envied her daughter for all the love that her mom so freely bestowed on her, all of the soft and loving moments they shared when I was in their home. I carry those images in my heart and hope that wherever she is, she knows that she is very much loved.
Despite the fact that I did not have a relationship with my Tia Alcira and my Tia Fela, those two women taught me the meaning of courage. Their courage in coming to a new country with their children and creating a new world of possibilities for them is inspiring. Losing my Tia Alcira was devastating, in a world where each one of my aunts are strong and powerful in their own way, only made me realize that they are also not eternal and that one day I would have to face this world without them. It will be a sad world indeed.
In a large family as the one I have, there are cousins that are older than I am and of course the filial relationship that I had with some of my contemporaries was not possible, but in their own way, they taught me much.
Gladys is a rock. When the world crumbles, she comes in and does what needs to be done and sets right the wrongs. She stood indomitably while Teco was ill and took care of everything, she was at a thousand different places at once and had more to handle than many of us realize, and she still had time to take us all kids out. She would pile all of us in her car and take us through a drive thru and let us play, let us enjoy the moment of innocence while she took care of the rest, while she took the world on her shoulders.
I haven’t talked to my cousin Olga in a long time, much longer than it is decent to admit, and the older I get, the more I realize how much she touched my life. In a world where everyone sought to make our new life here in the states, one of sacrifice and duress, she showed me a different life. Much aside from her fabulous flair, she showed me that it was ok to take care of your self, to be generous with yourself. She is splendid and worked hard, but she also played hard. She lived life. There were no compromises, ever. She knew what she wanted and how she wanted it and she went about it with passion and determination. She achieved, not only for herself, but also for those around her. Being around her was an intoxicating experience, are you hungry???? Her table was always laden by the best foods. Are you bored??? Her parties and get-togethers are still the highlight of some of our lives. But her life was not only about that, she stressed to us kids that we had to be ready, we had to ready ourselves to be and have everything we wanted. She taught us to work hard, yes, but to think and plan, use our minds, and go to school as well. She lived The Secret before anyone marketed it, and inadvertently SHOWED us that life is what you make of it.
My cousin Papi, ok his name is Cesar but I can’t get used to calling him that, he is perhaps one of the most unlikely contributors, but he has taught me about being in the moment. Children naturally flock to him, he is there at their level, engaging them and talking to them and playing with them. He is loving and generous, and even though he is hard to pin to one spot, once you do, he does what he does and you are there, in the moment with him. Well, children know…
Joyce Martini, my ex-husband’s mom, taught me to accept, to love and to be a part of my children’s lives. From the PTA, to the cookies baked, to being around the grand kids and always lending a helping hand, her love has no limit. My mother- in-law today, taught me one of the hardest lessons yet. She taught me how to let go, a little bit. In times when there is nothing else that you can do, she taught me that to love meant to simply let go. I still struggle with this lesson but I am grateful that I’ve had it and that I learnt it from her lovingly.
In order to be a wonderful mom, I have to be surrounded and supported by wonderful dads and I am blessed by the two men who have shared this experience with me. My husband Tony and my ex-husband Kevin are just as devoted to their children as I am, they are loving in their own unique way and they are there, willing to listen and willing to get their hands dirty in the raising of the children. They take uncommon interest in the life of their kids and are involved in every minute detail. They are wonderful providers and are everything a father should be.
My daughter is lucky that she has two moms. Kelly, Kevin’s wife has been, always, loving and accepting of Victoria. Victoria is her own and I love their relationship and I thank God that someone else is there, loving my child, and giving her the unconditional love and wisdom that only another mom can give.
I have my very own personal doctor. When my children are sick, I send an email and then I make a doctor’s appointment. The media can confuse you about the decisions about your child’s well being, but my cousin Arturo shares with me his knowledge of the wonderful world of nature, teaching me and giving me the tools to make my kids healthy and give them a connection to the natural world.
Mrs. Anne Pas came into my life and filled me with confidence and understanding. When I was confused and lost and had not yet found my peace with my mother, this wonderful woman, held my hand and lovingly guided me into self-confidence and self-reliance. Her patience is infinite and her caring ways allowed me to heal many things in my life that had held me from becoming everything I wanted to be. In the disguise of a boss, this wonderful woman shed light into my darkness and taught me about listening and family.
Last, but absolutely not least are my immediate circle. Luis, Mary and Amber. In this ever changing world, parenting of all things, did not come with a manual, however, when I doubt, when I am confused, frustrated, angry or lost, I call them, they are the ones that I can talk to, vent to and cry to when I feel drained and insecure. I talk to them often enough and I always feel renewed, with new hope and energy to deal with the rest of the day…. To you my unconditional love.
I am a complete, fulfilled and happy being. I rejoice in the love I give, in the moments I create. I am the sum of everything I have ever experienced, learned and seen. I have evolved into the person I am today and I am excited to find out who I will be tomorrow. But I could not be everything I am without the people who have touched my life. On this Mother’s Day, I am grateful for you and everything you have given me.
Being a mother is the most important job I’ve ever had and will probably, ever have. Everything that I try to be, say and do is measured in how it affects my job and I take pride and delight in my job. I make mistakes, like everyone else, but I try to learn from those mistakes.
I have had the blessing of being surrounded by wonderful people who have shared their thoughts and their ways with me. With their example, they have set the path for me to follow, and I have gathered all of that and become who I am.
And so, this Mother’s Day, as I sit back and rejoice in the love that my children give me, I have to say thank you. I have to acknowledge how you have touched my life and hope that by my actions, I can honor the lesson taught. Some of you may not even be mothers but you will find that in life, lessons come from the unlikeliest people and places….
To all of you, my undying love and gratitude and I give you in my writing a little piece of me, may it serve you as your presence in my life has served me….
First and foremost, I must acknowledge my mother, to those of you that know me and know our history, you are well aware that ours has been a rocky path and that at times we have not had the best of relationships, however, I treasure each and everyone of the difficulties we have gone through. You see, she has taught me to be fierce. Her love is unshakable. Despite the difficulties she has lived through she has never given up, she is a warrior and will give her most in any given situation. Her constant need to improve herself and be more, is a source of inspiration and her hard façade may have fooled some, but it hasn’t fooled you, has it??? In her heart of hearts, she loves intensely and there isn’t a sacrifice that is large enough where her daughters and grandkids are concerned. She will tell you like it is, she is blunt, direct and sometimes she can be a bit rough, but it is out of love. It took me a long time to understand her meaning of love, it took me a long time to realize that she was just the sum of all of her experiences, but now that I do, I can accept that despite the cold and indifferent exterior, she did her absolute best, at all times. How could I ever ask for more???
Alongside with my mother, her sisters have been a constant source of inspiration. In my early years, I was blessed to be immersed in my Tia Tere’s love. Her willingness to love unconditionally. She was the very first one that taught me about that kind of love. She taught us to love our family and to honor that love and to stand beside them. She taught us about our cousins from afar talking about them as if we already knew them, so that when I finally came here, it was easy to fall into rapport with them. She had planted the seeds for the relationship we would have. She taught me that humor is more valuable than money and whenever I get sad, I think of one of her antics and all is well again.
Mina is the epitome of generosity. Not because she is always distributing food to everyone, although I would kill for one of her flans right now, but because she selflessly has given ALL of us a little bit of her self. In her giant heart, she has made room for our equally giant family and she always cares, she always shows it and with a phone call, with a card, with a gesture, she has woven her way into our souls and shown us that love is the answer.
Teco was my aunt too, but she never acted like an aunt. To me she was someone loving and understanding that was wonderful to have around, like a blanket that protects you and keeps you, going to her house and talking to her was an escape, it was sacred ground. She was all-accepting, and she listened to my childhood woes as if I was telling her the most important story in the world, there was something soothing in her presence and I always envied her daughter for all the love that her mom so freely bestowed on her, all of the soft and loving moments they shared when I was in their home. I carry those images in my heart and hope that wherever she is, she knows that she is very much loved.
Despite the fact that I did not have a relationship with my Tia Alcira and my Tia Fela, those two women taught me the meaning of courage. Their courage in coming to a new country with their children and creating a new world of possibilities for them is inspiring. Losing my Tia Alcira was devastating, in a world where each one of my aunts are strong and powerful in their own way, only made me realize that they are also not eternal and that one day I would have to face this world without them. It will be a sad world indeed.
In a large family as the one I have, there are cousins that are older than I am and of course the filial relationship that I had with some of my contemporaries was not possible, but in their own way, they taught me much.
Gladys is a rock. When the world crumbles, she comes in and does what needs to be done and sets right the wrongs. She stood indomitably while Teco was ill and took care of everything, she was at a thousand different places at once and had more to handle than many of us realize, and she still had time to take us all kids out. She would pile all of us in her car and take us through a drive thru and let us play, let us enjoy the moment of innocence while she took care of the rest, while she took the world on her shoulders.
I haven’t talked to my cousin Olga in a long time, much longer than it is decent to admit, and the older I get, the more I realize how much she touched my life. In a world where everyone sought to make our new life here in the states, one of sacrifice and duress, she showed me a different life. Much aside from her fabulous flair, she showed me that it was ok to take care of your self, to be generous with yourself. She is splendid and worked hard, but she also played hard. She lived life. There were no compromises, ever. She knew what she wanted and how she wanted it and she went about it with passion and determination. She achieved, not only for herself, but also for those around her. Being around her was an intoxicating experience, are you hungry???? Her table was always laden by the best foods. Are you bored??? Her parties and get-togethers are still the highlight of some of our lives. But her life was not only about that, she stressed to us kids that we had to be ready, we had to ready ourselves to be and have everything we wanted. She taught us to work hard, yes, but to think and plan, use our minds, and go to school as well. She lived The Secret before anyone marketed it, and inadvertently SHOWED us that life is what you make of it.
My cousin Papi, ok his name is Cesar but I can’t get used to calling him that, he is perhaps one of the most unlikely contributors, but he has taught me about being in the moment. Children naturally flock to him, he is there at their level, engaging them and talking to them and playing with them. He is loving and generous, and even though he is hard to pin to one spot, once you do, he does what he does and you are there, in the moment with him. Well, children know…
Joyce Martini, my ex-husband’s mom, taught me to accept, to love and to be a part of my children’s lives. From the PTA, to the cookies baked, to being around the grand kids and always lending a helping hand, her love has no limit. My mother- in-law today, taught me one of the hardest lessons yet. She taught me how to let go, a little bit. In times when there is nothing else that you can do, she taught me that to love meant to simply let go. I still struggle with this lesson but I am grateful that I’ve had it and that I learnt it from her lovingly.
In order to be a wonderful mom, I have to be surrounded and supported by wonderful dads and I am blessed by the two men who have shared this experience with me. My husband Tony and my ex-husband Kevin are just as devoted to their children as I am, they are loving in their own unique way and they are there, willing to listen and willing to get their hands dirty in the raising of the children. They take uncommon interest in the life of their kids and are involved in every minute detail. They are wonderful providers and are everything a father should be.
My daughter is lucky that she has two moms. Kelly, Kevin’s wife has been, always, loving and accepting of Victoria. Victoria is her own and I love their relationship and I thank God that someone else is there, loving my child, and giving her the unconditional love and wisdom that only another mom can give.
I have my very own personal doctor. When my children are sick, I send an email and then I make a doctor’s appointment. The media can confuse you about the decisions about your child’s well being, but my cousin Arturo shares with me his knowledge of the wonderful world of nature, teaching me and giving me the tools to make my kids healthy and give them a connection to the natural world.
Mrs. Anne Pas came into my life and filled me with confidence and understanding. When I was confused and lost and had not yet found my peace with my mother, this wonderful woman, held my hand and lovingly guided me into self-confidence and self-reliance. Her patience is infinite and her caring ways allowed me to heal many things in my life that had held me from becoming everything I wanted to be. In the disguise of a boss, this wonderful woman shed light into my darkness and taught me about listening and family.
Last, but absolutely not least are my immediate circle. Luis, Mary and Amber. In this ever changing world, parenting of all things, did not come with a manual, however, when I doubt, when I am confused, frustrated, angry or lost, I call them, they are the ones that I can talk to, vent to and cry to when I feel drained and insecure. I talk to them often enough and I always feel renewed, with new hope and energy to deal with the rest of the day…. To you my unconditional love.
I am a complete, fulfilled and happy being. I rejoice in the love I give, in the moments I create. I am the sum of everything I have ever experienced, learned and seen. I have evolved into the person I am today and I am excited to find out who I will be tomorrow. But I could not be everything I am without the people who have touched my life. On this Mother’s Day, I am grateful for you and everything you have given me.
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