All that I am...

We are the sum of all of our parts. The sum of our experiences, the sum of our lessons and the sum of the indelible footprints of the people that have shared our path. There are also some people that have made such a difference in you that you don’t even realize how much of an impact their words have had until you find yourself repeating their words.

Being a mother is the most important job I’ve ever had and will probably, ever have. Everything that I try to be, say and do is measured in how it affects my job and I take pride and delight in my job. I make mistakes, like everyone else, but I try to learn from those mistakes.

I have had the blessing of being surrounded by wonderful people who have shared their thoughts and their ways with me. With their example, they have set the path for me to follow, and I have gathered all of that and become who I am.

And so, this Mother’s Day, as I sit back and rejoice in the love that my children give me, I have to say thank you. I have to acknowledge how you have touched my life and hope that by my actions, I can honor the lesson taught. Some of you may not even be mothers but you will find that in life, lessons come from the unlikeliest people and places….

To all of you, my undying love and gratitude and I give you in my writing a little piece of me, may it serve you as your presence in my life has served me….

First and foremost, I must acknowledge my mother, to those of you that know me and know our history, you are well aware that ours has been a rocky path and that at times we have not had the best of relationships, however, I treasure each and everyone of the difficulties we have gone through. You see, she has taught me to be fierce. Her love is unshakable. Despite the difficulties she has lived through she has never given up, she is a warrior and will give her most in any given situation. Her constant need to improve herself and be more, is a source of inspiration and her hard façade may have fooled some, but it hasn’t fooled you, has it??? In her heart of hearts, she loves intensely and there isn’t a sacrifice that is large enough where her daughters and grandkids are concerned. She will tell you like it is, she is blunt, direct and sometimes she can be a bit rough, but it is out of love. It took me a long time to understand her meaning of love, it took me a long time to realize that she was just the sum of all of her experiences, but now that I do, I can accept that despite the cold and indifferent exterior, she did her absolute best, at all times. How could I ever ask for more???

Alongside with my mother, her sisters have been a constant source of inspiration. In my early years, I was blessed to be immersed in my Tia Tere’s love. Her willingness to love unconditionally. She was the very first one that taught me about that kind of love. She taught us to love our family and to honor that love and to stand beside them. She taught us about our cousins from afar talking about them as if we already knew them, so that when I finally came here, it was easy to fall into rapport with them. She had planted the seeds for the relationship we would have. She taught me that humor is more valuable than money and whenever I get sad, I think of one of her antics and all is well again.

Mina is the epitome of generosity. Not because she is always distributing food to everyone, although I would kill for one of her flans right now, but because she selflessly has given ALL of us a little bit of her self. In her giant heart, she has made room for our equally giant family and she always cares, she always shows it and with a phone call, with a card, with a gesture, she has woven her way into our souls and shown us that love is the answer.

Teco was my aunt too, but she never acted like an aunt. To me she was someone loving and understanding that was wonderful to have around, like a blanket that protects you and keeps you, going to her house and talking to her was an escape, it was sacred ground. She was all-accepting, and she listened to my childhood woes as if I was telling her the most important story in the world, there was something soothing in her presence and I always envied her daughter for all the love that her mom so freely bestowed on her, all of the soft and loving moments they shared when I was in their home. I carry those images in my heart and hope that wherever she is, she knows that she is very much loved.

Despite the fact that I did not have a relationship with my Tia Alcira and my Tia Fela, those two women taught me the meaning of courage. Their courage in coming to a new country with their children and creating a new world of possibilities for them is inspiring. Losing my Tia Alcira was devastating, in a world where each one of my aunts are strong and powerful in their own way, only made me realize that they are also not eternal and that one day I would have to face this world without them. It will be a sad world indeed.

In a large family as the one I have, there are cousins that are older than I am and of course the filial relationship that I had with some of my contemporaries was not possible, but in their own way, they taught me much.

Gladys is a rock. When the world crumbles, she comes in and does what needs to be done and sets right the wrongs. She stood indomitably while Teco was ill and took care of everything, she was at a thousand different places at once and had more to handle than many of us realize, and she still had time to take us all kids out. She would pile all of us in her car and take us through a drive thru and let us play, let us enjoy the moment of innocence while she took care of the rest, while she took the world on her shoulders.

I haven’t talked to my cousin Olga in a long time, much longer than it is decent to admit, and the older I get, the more I realize how much she touched my life. In a world where everyone sought to make our new life here in the states, one of sacrifice and duress, she showed me a different life. Much aside from her fabulous flair, she showed me that it was ok to take care of your self, to be generous with yourself. She is splendid and worked hard, but she also played hard. She lived life. There were no compromises, ever. She knew what she wanted and how she wanted it and she went about it with passion and determination. She achieved, not only for herself, but also for those around her. Being around her was an intoxicating experience, are you hungry???? Her table was always laden by the best foods. Are you bored??? Her parties and get-togethers are still the highlight of some of our lives. But her life was not only about that, she stressed to us kids that we had to be ready, we had to ready ourselves to be and have everything we wanted. She taught us to work hard, yes, but to think and plan, use our minds, and go to school as well. She lived The Secret before anyone marketed it, and inadvertently SHOWED us that life is what you make of it.

My cousin Papi, ok his name is Cesar but I can’t get used to calling him that, he is perhaps one of the most unlikely contributors, but he has taught me about being in the moment. Children naturally flock to him, he is there at their level, engaging them and talking to them and playing with them. He is loving and generous, and even though he is hard to pin to one spot, once you do, he does what he does and you are there, in the moment with him. Well, children know…

Joyce Martini, my ex-husband’s mom, taught me to accept, to love and to be a part of my children’s lives. From the PTA, to the cookies baked, to being around the grand kids and always lending a helping hand, her love has no limit. My mother- in-law today, taught me one of the hardest lessons yet. She taught me how to let go, a little bit. In times when there is nothing else that you can do, she taught me that to love meant to simply let go. I still struggle with this lesson but I am grateful that I’ve had it and that I learnt it from her lovingly.

In order to be a wonderful mom, I have to be surrounded and supported by wonderful dads and I am blessed by the two men who have shared this experience with me. My husband Tony and my ex-husband Kevin are just as devoted to their children as I am, they are loving in their own unique way and they are there, willing to listen and willing to get their hands dirty in the raising of the children. They take uncommon interest in the life of their kids and are involved in every minute detail. They are wonderful providers and are everything a father should be.

My daughter is lucky that she has two moms. Kelly, Kevin’s wife has been, always, loving and accepting of Victoria. Victoria is her own and I love their relationship and I thank God that someone else is there, loving my child, and giving her the unconditional love and wisdom that only another mom can give.

I have my very own personal doctor. When my children are sick, I send an email and then I make a doctor’s appointment. The media can confuse you about the decisions about your child’s well being, but my cousin Arturo shares with me his knowledge of the wonderful world of nature, teaching me and giving me the tools to make my kids healthy and give them a connection to the natural world.

Mrs. Anne Pas came into my life and filled me with confidence and understanding. When I was confused and lost and had not yet found my peace with my mother, this wonderful woman, held my hand and lovingly guided me into self-confidence and self-reliance. Her patience is infinite and her caring ways allowed me to heal many things in my life that had held me from becoming everything I wanted to be. In the disguise of a boss, this wonderful woman shed light into my darkness and taught me about listening and family.

Last, but absolutely not least are my immediate circle. Luis, Mary and Amber. In this ever changing world, parenting of all things, did not come with a manual, however, when I doubt, when I am confused, frustrated, angry or lost, I call them, they are the ones that I can talk to, vent to and cry to when I feel drained and insecure. I talk to them often enough and I always feel renewed, with new hope and energy to deal with the rest of the day…. To you my unconditional love.

I am a complete, fulfilled and happy being. I rejoice in the love I give, in the moments I create. I am the sum of everything I have ever experienced, learned and seen. I have evolved into the person I am today and I am excited to find out who I will be tomorrow. But I could not be everything I am without the people who have touched my life. On this Mother’s Day, I am grateful for you and everything you have given me.