Raising teenagers

Every morning, I touch bases with my BFF Amber, just so that we know what is going on, our lives are much intertwined. So this morning she was letting me know that Jeremy, her hubby, would be bringing Kaci and telling me about the weekend plans and the babysitting Victoria would do for them.

She told me she would be picking her up at noonish . Anticipating the wonderful dinner that my husband would be making, I asked what time would she be home so we could hold off dinner until then. She told me Victoria had agreed to babysit while they went to dinner as well.
To tell you that I was shocked and upset, would be putting it mildly.

Victoria did what???

Did she forget it was Mother’s day??? No she could not have, I told her about it myself.

And at first it was ok, I got it, she had to work, she had to understand what it was like to have to work when there were things you wanted to do….

Regardless, we are not talking about 4th of July or Memorial Day, this is Mother’s Day!

Well, she had been asked to babysit in front of me and I could have said no.

But that is the point, isn’t it? She was supposed to say no…

Did you feel that???

It was a disturbance in the force. It was a hormonal mushroom cloud that detonated in the middle of Wilmington, OH.

In a case of histrionics, bigger than Vivi Abbot Walker ever displayed, (if you don’t know who she is, watch Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya sisterhood). I cried, I screamed, I held my fist up to the heavens and I cursed the fact that this child born of my body did not care at all about her mom. (Yes, this is STILL about the Mother’s Day thing). I called her and in my most martyred voice, I told her that I guess she didn’t have a mom, since she would not be celebrating Mother’s Day.

I know, I know, not nice, but I could not help myself.

I emailed her dad. (He should know what kind of inconsiderate, selfish brat he was raising)

I called my mom. (Oops! Forgot she was in Peru, good thing too, she would have told me that I did the same thing…. Don’t want to hear it mom!!!!)

I was going to call Luis (he would have asked me to take responsibility, I wasn’t there yet)

DAMN!!! 1400 minutes to call anyone and I could not think of anyone.

Finally, I called Mary, she has a teenager, she knows how it is to live with the treacherous, little conniving, inconsiderate, self-centered, hateful being that says she comes from me, but OH NO!
She could not have…. I know it, she was switched at birth!!!!

So in between sobs and agonizing tears, I told her what she had done. She had chosen NOT to spend Mother’s Day with me, her mother.

She let me cry, she let me tell her everything that was going on inside me, and in the way that we usually do, we talked about it and I felt better. I even smiled and unlocked all the doors and put her furniture back in her room, re-established service back to her cell phone and cancelled the root canal she didn’t need.

Once past the hormones and the state of devastation that I felt at the very beginning, I called Tony, and told him about what his daughter had done. Yes, I know Victoria has more than one dad, she has more than one mom too, but that’s not here, nor there!!

I began to tell Tony about the viper’s decision and in his calmest voice, he told me: Birds gotta fly outta the nest mom, I guess she is just trying out her wings.

I hate it when wisdom comes from someone I totally don’t expect. And at the moment I don’t expect it.

Two days ago, I cried at the store because my son had gone through a growth spurt, today Victoria makes decisions that I don’t like, what is Gabriela doing tomorrow? Moving out?

But so it is, you bring them into this world, you love them, you nurture them, you give them everything you can and you pray to the Gods that they are ready, that they are listening. You hold them to your heart, in your arms and you want to keep them from harm and from pain. You talk to them, yell at them, cry at them and sometimes laugh at their attempts to be grown up. But I guess the reality is that they will eventually grow up and walk out and leave and try out their wings.

I finished talking to Tony and I went to the bathroom to get something for my eyes so they are not swollen, as I looked at myself in the mirror, I recognized that look. I had seen it in my mother’s eyes many years ago, when I first tried out my wings.

I texted my daughter and told her that I love her, that I was sorry and that I was very proud of her for being responsible and working and that despite the fact that her mom was crazy, she had turned out quite wonderful. I grabbed all the baby books and went back to the first moment, to the moment I fell in love with each of my little ones.

I didn’t sign up for this, I had no idea my heart would be split in threes and walk out of my own door.

And so it is. Children come to us, children grow and children leave. And so is life…. And life goes on…