I am more than my numbers

My bank account sits at 70 dollars. My credit rating is of 450. My blood pressure is 120/70. My cholesterol is 235. I am 34 years old. I have been married 2 times. I have 3 children. I am 1 of 5 siblings. I am 5’4. I am 190 pounds. I have lived in 5 cities. I have owned 4 cars. I have worked with 3 Fortune 50 companies.

None of those numbers tell you anything about me. None of those numbers can give you an understanding of who I am. Of course, you can analyze the data and assume many things about me, but will they give you the whole story?

You can see that I am not rich, I have poor credit and I am relatively healthy though overweight. You can even say that I am slightly unstable (the whole moving thing) and that I am not dumb since I have been involved with good companies. And that tells you what??

Can you measure the compassion in my soul through my credit score? Can you know if I am kind because I am overweight? Will you be able to tell if I cry at the movies from my blood pressure?

I am more than my numbers.

You cannot round me up just by the numbers that pop up on a report. You cannot summarize who I am just by a tally of cold data that you have gathered. Adding up the numbers and taking away my errors will not give you a result based on truths, it only takes into account that which you see and you can analyze.

Like many people, I have made mistakes. I have taken false steps, I have fallen, I have gotten up, I have made the same mistake more than once and that still does not change who I am. Despite what the numbers tell you, I have not fallen from grace and because my numbers are not up to par with the world, it does not make me less worthy. You cannot tell whether or not I will succeed or fail, nor can you equate higher numbers with happier results.

You cannot take the measure of a man by the car he drives, the home he lives in or the job he has. You cannot see into the man he really is by looking to his credit score, reading his SAT results or sneaking a peek into his hemoglobin. You cannot understand someone based on their insurance policy, their 401K statement or their business cards. You will not touch someone with your checkbook, your diplomas or your title.

Once upon a time people had to learn how to relate to one another. There was no credit report that could tell you if the man in front of you was worthy, you evaluated him with your own eyes, you followed your own criteria and you trusted your instinct. Business men used to gage each other based on handshakes instead of resumes and curriculum vitae.

Men and women had learned to look at the little hints in someone’s conversation, in their tone and inflection to see if they were trustworthy or even to learn if the person in question would be a good friend. There was art in communication and some people developed their conversational skills as assiduously as others pursue their careers. Body language was a legitimate way of communicating and many engagements were based solely on the hints of this fine art.

Back in the day, you would look at someone and value their hard work by their actions, not by the accumulation of their wealth. People would be consulted on matters based on their demonstrated knowledge, not on the diplomas that hung on their wall.

It was the art of the shaman to look at someone with the eyes of the soul and to know the intentions of the other just by listening to his inner guides and following his instinct. As interconnected beings, when we meet someone, our inner bells tell us a more comprehensive story than a Federal background check.

Computers and technology are great allies in the world of communications. They have helped us breach distances and reach out to others who otherwise would not be a part of our world. However, as before, we forget that the progress we have made has also been based on the things we knew in the past. It is because of those experiences that we went through in the past that we have the knowledge that has birthed all of this advancement and extraordinary growth.

However, in this as in many other things, we toss the old and bring in the new and we create an unbalanced approach, one that does not serve us well.

You can see that same trend in agriculture, in education and schools and most significantly, in parenting. Spanking was once upon a time used as a disciplinary method. The child knew to behave because otherwise, he would face consequences. With the rise of the self esteem movement fueled by Dr. Spock, parents abandoned spanking; however, nothing took the place of spanking. And children grew up without any discipline, without any knowledge of cause and effect. No base was given to them as parents slacked and didn’t actively teach those values and discipline. Now we have a million of “millennials” scratching their heads because they don’t understand what went wrong.

It’s a pendulum effect, we lean too far into one side, which causes the next generation to do the opposite and then we lean too much in to the other side.

And many things will continue to be that way and that is just the way of life. However, in communications there are many things that stand to be lost in this new trend. We are forgetting to look deeper, further and with our other senses. We are forgetting how to relate to each other and how to reach out to others. The computer is a wonderful tool, I personally love Facebook and recommend it to everyone, young and old, but there is also something to be said for looking into someone’s eyes, for reaching into the firm grasp of someone’s honest handshake, the warmth and soothing effect of a hug from a loved one.

Our automatization has allowed for a more efficient way to deal with growth, with advancement and with progress. But as humans, we also need in place a way to deal with that part of us that makes mistakes, that falls short and that does not immediately fit the mold. People are not disposable, they will need second, third and fourth chances. Our society is not prepared to give them that second and third chance without taking away their dignity. We read each person’s file before we even meet them and make up our minds as to who and what they are before they have come into our life.

In short, the thinking skills that went with the times of old have been given up by the quick and easy to reach information that we all have access to. People listen to experts about what to do with their children, what to eat and how to live their life, they heed test results with numbers and data when their body has been telling them the same thing all along and their own inner guidance has always had the answers for them.

Many years ago, intangibles such as dignity, honor, and integrity had more value. Nowadays, scores and reports and data have taken over. And while all of them are great tools to get to know people, they are not the ultimate answer. When you stand in front of someone and want to asses their worthiness and their character, all you need to do is reach into you and see what your eyes wont tell you, listen for their song with your soul and recognize and smile and wait for the truth is always within your reach.