Don’t close the door. Wait!
I haven’t come to judge you; I have nothing to say, I was wondering if maybe you would let me hold your hand. Let me be here with you, near you... I cannot go into the darkness with you but I still want to be close.
Wait, what are you doing? Why are you hurting yourself? Don’t you see? Don’t you see what you are doing to your soul??? This stuff takes you to a false light, you are still floating in the dark, and you are still lost in the clouds. This won’t help this wont help….
I am sorry, forgive me please, I am sorry.
I said I wouldn’t say anything, but I can’t help it, I can’t stand to see you hurt yourself, I can’t stand to see you waste yourself away. If you could only see yourself the way I can see you, if you only found in you what I find in you. You are like a star papi, you are like a shining beacon in the night. You are so perfect, so beautiful, why can’t you see it?
Hell and damnation that I can’t talk to you, Hell and damnation that I am in this cursed place and that I cannot reach you. Reach inside you mi hijo, reach to me, I am still here, alive in you… I never left you, I wouldn’t leave you.
I know you are angry, I know you are upset, but doing this to yourself doesn’t make it better papi. Hurting yourself doesn’t make them sorry; it doesn’t let them see what they have done to you. Hurting yourself only hurts you and I never want you to hurt, never. The people that have hurt you in life are only human, they make mistakes all the time, like I did, and I made so many mistakes, so many.
Child of mine, child of my soul, I curse the moment that took my life and took me from you.
While you were little I could protect you, I would make sure that nothing touched you, nothing soiled you. Now I see the folly of my actions, now I see the harm I have caused you. I left you and you were not ready, you were not ready for life as it is.
People can be selfish papi, they can be greedy, but it has nothing to do with you it has to do with them, with how they see themselves. They will try to tell you all kinds of nonsense about being fair and knowing what is right and wrong, but those concepts don’t exist, they are ideas and ideas are not enough to base decisions on. People who impose their will on others and who fail to use their heart in their decisions are those that have turned away from themselves and follow an outer voice in their path. They do what they are supposed to do because that is what they are supposed to do, not because they act with integrity and compassion.
My son, walk away; walk away from this life that holds you back, walk away from this moment that is torture to you. The moment has passed and the actions that define this suffering for you are gone. Wake up son, this is a sin. No, its not religion, look for yourself. To sin is to err, to miss your mark and you are missing yours, you are being less than you can be and while you are not offending God, you are selling yourself short for no reason.
Put away the bottles, the papers and the smokes. Put away these moments of darkness and reach somewhere and to someone. You are not in this alone, I may have left this earth but I did not leave you alone.
Beloved, I watch and I listen and I see your pain. The same pain that sears your soul is in the others who seek to harm you. How can you judge them then, if you cause yourself the same pain??? Flesh of my flesh, put down the pain that you have wrapped yourself in and walk towards the person you know you are inside.
For all of the answers are inside, all of the love and the light that you seek come from inside. And inside, where all is as it should be, I live in love and in peace and in happiness of knowing that you are perfect as I always knew you were and that in you, my hope was never betrayed.
Reach inside child; reach inside, all the answers lie within. And within is also where I am at. Never left you, never will, my beloved.
No comments:
Post a Comment