Confessions

I have a confession to make…

I am dense, slow and stubborn.

Stop nodding in agreement… just hear me out, hmmm?


I am 34 years old. I look young, I don’t have many wrinkles, however, I am overweight, I am only
5’4 and I weigh more than I should….


What? You want me to tell you how much??? That’s not really a nice question, you know??


Ok,ok,ok,… I weigh 220 pounds, which is 70 lbs over what I should weigh, and it seems that 50 of those pounds have settled nicely around my waist, or at least where my waist used to be.


Now, I am not a perpetual dieter, I don’t yo-yo diet. I have been consistently 200+ since …well, forever. There was this one time when Luis, my best friend, convinced me to try Body for Life and I lost 21 lbs in one month, I was 190 and then we stopped. The process was murder, up at the crack of dawn, work, work, work all the time, pain here, stretch that, lift this, planning meals, special grocery trips, etc, etc, etc. Arrrrghhh!!!! (But you know? I felt great…)


A few tres leches and cheesecakes later, I had forgotten all about the body for life and gone on to my regular life style.


I have always had a grudge with processed foods. No cans, frozen or prepared foods. And I always knew that sugar was not my best friend, but like a good addict, all it would take was more sugar to make me forget…


Hit me again! Another cookie…. Yeahhhhhhh, Oblivion!!!


Life is persistent sometimes, and when I started working here in Ohio, I met a man who was very focused on himself. Egocentric, self centered, creido, I berated him (in my mind), he seemed so full of life and so full of enthusiasm that even as I was hating him for being so concerned about himself and caring so much for himself, I was totally attracted to his self preservation and his integrity with himself and his health and well being.


After a little bit of time and tired of hating him at a distance, I actually started talking to him and I learnt that his incredible integrity about his body and self was translated into his life with BOUNDLESS amounts of energy. I thought he was high, he was, high in life. He is by the far one of the funniest men I have ever met, not like weird funny either, funny like his brain cells are running circles around mine and mine could just collapse with laughter. I saw him once sharing some information about the glycemic index with another coworker and I asked him what it was, he explained and the fat girl in me said something stupid like “oh yea, I know all bout this” (Yes, Angel, I know all about this, I purposefully kill myself on a daily basis… hehehehe, pathetic)

Mr. Batista and I parted company, but I knew what it looked like to be healthy, what it sounded like… could I turn around and ignore it again???


Yes, apparently I could.


I did.


I went back to baking and cooking and not looking at labels and creating sugar edifices. Now, to give myself credit, I did bake from scratch and I didn’t buy the frosting, everything was home made, it counts for something right??? Right???


Well, as you know, life will not be contained.


My cousin turned writer.


I’ve told you all about him. If anything happens at the house, I consult him first. His insight and information always makes sense to me. He has always given me ways to deal with our ailments and information on how to prevent those things. It is like having a doctor at your beck and call, well not exactly like that, but he does email back pretty quick…


His book, “Stop Diabetes in 30 days” tells you all about diabetes containment and prevention. Now, why would I care about diabetes??? Diabetes runs rampant in my family. Too many relatives affected. Too many lives lost to it.


Well, he had sent me his book and I could not download it. I thought, oh well, I couldn’t open it…darn…


Then his sister sent me the actual book…


Ok, someone is getting pretty annoying up there with their message, if they think that I am going to listen to just about anyone talk about this… I am not swayed just like that… oh no!!!!! (This is me, ranting)


Then, the worst happened. I got sick. I just had a sinus infection. But it was a Titan of a Sinus infection. It kicked my butt and I was laid out, in pain and in tears for about four days. I was alone in the house with the little ones and I got scared.


I got scared thinking about what would happen if I got really sick right now?


I thought… to myself…


What if this headache is more than a headache, what if it is a stroke?

Oh C’mon, you are 34 no one has a stroke at 34.

Fat people do. (I am sorry, that part of me is not politically correct yet, we are working on it though)

I am not that fat.

Yea, ok, tell yourself that.

No seriously, I personally know people who are twice as heavy.

You don’t know their symptoms; you don’t know what their life is like.

Yeah, but seriously, dead at 34??? I am healthy….

You have a sinus infection that is killing you. You are overweight, you have asthma, you have carpal tunnel to the point that you can’t feel your fingers in the morning and you are so out of shape, your heart would give out at the sight of a treadmill. Yes, you are the picture of health.

Well, yea…


I could see that I was losing this battle.


So, I sat there on Sunday Morning, tired of being sick, tired of not being healthy, of being out of energy and I looked towards the Heavens and voiced my challenge…


“If this getting healthy thing is something really important to me, send me a sign. But don’t just send me any sign send me a sign that you know I cannot refute.”

Have you ever done that??? Has it ever worked??? Yea, sometimes I wish it would not work quite as well, but there you have it….


I made my plea to the heavens at 4 am, afterwards I could not sleep, I was miserable and I could not stay in bed another minute. I went to the couch, and turned the TV on. Flipped around the different channels available, and found a channel doing something about Wayne Dyer, I think it was a presentation about his book, “Excuses Be Gone”


Dr. Dyer is a world renowned psychologist, author, and someone I respect a lot. I read his books and listen to his messages intently and have learnt a great deal from him. His book “Your Sacred Self” changed my life, meeting him in person is still one of the highlights of my life.


So there stood this man, whom I love, and he said to me, (yes, he was talking to me) that he had to follow his own advice, and lose those few pounds that he had been ignoring (uh, huh…) and so he went to say that he had looked for a program that strived for health, not just for weight loss, when he found Jorge Cruise’s “The Belly Fat Cure”. (You’ve gotta be kidding me! What a coincidence!!!! I know, no coincidences, everything happens for a reason, you wanted a message, here you go!!!!)


So he goes on to explain everything I have known about the evil sugar, and how it has gotten out of hand and so on and so forth, and I sat there, angry at the TV and saying that I would do my own research on this, thank you very much.


I jumped on my trusty computer and hit Wikipedia… no just kidding, that’s wannabe research.

I looked up this Jorge Cruise and his belly fat cure and his approach. I looked at his experience, his track, his associates, his books. I now know his shoe size and even who was his best friend in high school. It helps to have worked with investigators.


Well, I could find no fault with his theory, with his approach, with his ideas. He even looks healthy and not super skinny and over exercised.


So fine, I looked up his website and it was full of videos… groan!!!!! I am a reader, I don’t like videos. But I really did not need to hear the information again, I know why it works, I have known it for a VERY long time. It resonated with everything I know and at that moment, I knew it, not only with my brain, but with my heart. It was time to do it.


My best friend, Luis, was overweight once upon a time and lost massive weight using this way of eating. When Redux came out and the nice doctors gave us our prescriptions, they also said to follow up with diet, this same kind of diet. When Atkins came out and my sister, subtly, sent me the book, it was the same concept (except the bacon part of it). And so it has been with Body for life and the Glycemic Index that Angel introduced me to. All of them had the same basic concept. Lean proteins, no white stuff, drink your water, plenty of veggies…. Yadda, yadda, yadda.


Even many years ago, while I was studying medical transcription, I learnt about hormones and how they affect your body and the way your body works and processes function. And I learnt that perfect health means finding the perfect balance for your body and maintaining it. Finding the perfect balance, finding the perfect balance in nutrition!!! That almost sounds like making peace with your body, doesn’t it?


So here goes nothing, I have placed the book on order, it should arrive promptly on December 28 and I will then be able to begin the New Year with a new goal and despite the fact that I hate New Years resolutions and all of the pressure and nonsense that goes with it, I am going to do this now because I want to be healthy, I want to be healthy, I want to live a good life and watch the kids grow and I want grandkids and I want to be beautiful at 70, like my mom.


So why am I telling you this? Well, in the past, I have always attempted this but never have I been open about this. It was like the big elephant in the living room that no one talked about. Well the elephant needs help, I mean, I need help.


I need help because, obviously, I have tried this alone and failed. I need your help because I need someone to be accountable to. I need your help because being overweight and overeating are not the only problem, something causes that behavior and I have not been clear enough to see what it is, because you may have gone through this and you can send your support or because you are ready to take the plunge and be healthy and want to join me.


Regardless, I need your help.


So here I come, with open arms…. (Ahem, sorry...)


So here I come, naked (figuratively) and vulnerable and putting it all out there (figuratively, again) in hopes that I can achieve this, in hopes that I can do this… maybe…


Don’t misunderstand, being fat has never held me back, I have gotten the jobs I wanted, gotten paid what I wanted and done what I wanted, I even got all the guys I wanted, (don’t ever believe it when people who are fat are not good in bed, not true, trust me I know…)


But… I wonder, how much better it could be? I wonder how much better I could be??? Well, I am curious and motivated, so here I go, to make peace with my body. Wish me luck…