Hey Bro! Check it out… people are pissseddddd…
Man, people are out for your ass!! You better run somewhere…
Man, it aint what you did or didn’t do.
It’s the approach you said you were gonna have. You were up there saying, we gonna change things, and we thought, well hell, he is a brother, he knows what’s up, he’ll take care of business.
You is a brother, from a single momma, had to work your way up, go to school and now you was coming to the White House, Dang bro, we thought you was the black superman…
But so far nothing… same bullshit!
What is up with all the change line you was giving us???
Take this shit with AZ, how you gonna let them do that to the beans??
Bro, it’s the same shit they did to us… PROFILING, ya know?? Them Ricans aint illegals, but they still look like the Mexicans, how you gonna tell them apart???What are you going to do about the illegals from Zimbabwe, they look just like us? What if there is illegals from France??? They white!! Naahh bro, this is creating a world of trouble…
Check it out, ima school you in what you need to do???
Now, listen up son, my momma used to say you cant be knocking other peoples houses and telling them what to do if your own house is a mess, that aint gonna work….
What are we doing investing money all over the world in military bases, troops and who knows what else you got going over there??? Bring it back bro… Now, once you got everything here with you, army, navy and who knows what other thugs you got watching your back.
What do you do when you don’t want flies in your house??? CLOSE THE DOOR…
CLOSE THE BORDER!!!! Party is over; whoever is here, is here to stay…. Let the ones that don’t want to stay go, have them hit the road, they don’ wanna be here, we don’t need them here!!!
Talk to these people bro. Some of them want to come and be here for good and work and be Americans like us…. Why can’t we let them? Bro, King said it, not Martin Luther King Jr bro, Rodney… why can’t we all get along???
There be some of them too that want to start shit and want to work and cross over every other day, make money here and take it somewhere else to spend. Nahhh, bro, them people aint Americans and aint never gonna be.
If you work here, that money needs to be spent here… none of that sending out to buy shit in other countries. Like in El Salvador, my friend Felipe says he gets 10 pairs of nikes for like ten dollars, but I told that crazy fool, it aint about what you getting bro, its about what you putting back… these beans don’t get it bro, but they will.
Women be drawing food stamps and getting their kids free education throughout the year and then they send them back to Nicaragua so their auntie can take of their kids for free, what’s up with that???? You need to invest on the daycare here, this is your country now…. Don’t sell out…
Like if Diddy gets his shirts made here and Jay-Z gets them done in China, need I tell you whose shirts you need to be buying…
Here it is bro… them beans don’t think this is home, they be here working their asses off, cause they are hard workers, you have to give them that but at the end, they always want to go home. We aint never gonna make it work with them, unless this becomes home. They be here fifty years and they still be crying about home, they need to own up to that and make up their minds, ya know? Not that I blame them, have you seen some of the veterans in the streets? It is disgraceful
Seriously now, we need to take care of us first.
Didn’t you learn from 9/11??? Them people blew up the towers and suddenly Jose, Wong, Fred and Jerome was helping each other, representing and whatnot. So here is the deal, everyone that is here, and wants to be here, they get their shiny, new americanship certificate!
So what are you gonna do? Make everyone legal. Fine everyone that has been illegal, that plus whatever they have to pay for their papers ought to make up for the budget deficit, plus I bet you never thought about the extra money you are gonna make when all of them pay taxes.
You gonna have to hire tons of people to process them as legal. They gonna have to be registered, someone is gonna have to work with them while in that process, then you are gonna need testers, and then you gonna need to have someone take the pictures and give’em their brand new certificate of americanship.
You gonna have to have people around to help them. You need civic centers bro…
You need centers in the community where people can go to find out about jobs, education, raising their kids, health and all of the things that they need to know about to become American citizens. Your momma taught you about being an American, they don’t have a momma to teach them, they are being taught by the other people who came here before them but none of them have the right information. They need help; our help…
When kids go to college, they get a mentor, someone who walks you around til you get familiar with the campus and tells you about the rules and how you gonna get from here to here and who to talk to if you need something, where you can get the good shit, ahem…. now why would we think that coming to a new country would be any different… it is the same and some of these people are lost and get bad advice.
Then you gonna have to open the schools at night and hire more teachers. You need to teach these people to speak English, you need to make it mandatory and make them pay for their classes, as part of their americanship program. Think of the new revenue that would generate. More teachers, more jobs, more consumption…. I can see them dollar signs dancing in front of my eyes… But, wait, you have to make sure these people are FLUENT. My friend Maria took her citizenship test and do you know what they asked her? What color was Washington’s white horse??? What kind of civics and American history test is that? That’s bullshit; it’s harder to get through the airport bro…
That ought to quit the extra expenses in translating documents and printing fifteen hundred different versions of one form.
Also, you are gonna have to get rid of the current welfare failure. Man, we can’t give prenatal care and food stamps to everyone who gets pregnant. That’s like rewarding your kid for doing something they are not supposed to do. I know you don’t want to leave the kids unprotected and it aint the kids fault the momma got pregnant, but if you pay for it, they aint gonna care, they gonna keep having babies, white babies, brown babies, black babies, ALL kinds of baby. We in the middle of a recession and people don’t even know whats gonna happen and they still having all kinds of babies… Crazy!!! Taxes should be commensurate to the expense that the government has for you and your family. I am just saying… you gonna have twenty kids… that’s cool, but you gonna pay more taxes… not the other way around.
The first thing we are gonna have to teach everyone, not only the new people new to the americanship thing is accountability.
You lost your job and you need a hand, that’s cool bro, shit like that happens all the time, we gonna give you and your family a hand for about six months til you get back on your feet. After that, you need to scoot… If you have not found a job by then, then you need to seriously consider going back to school or doing something else. You wouldn’t have your momma support you for your whole life, why should the government?
Insurance is too expensive for you, that’s cool, the government can offer you insurance alternatives, but I tell you what, they need to pay something for it and make it available to everyone. What the hell makes you think that the people that work want to spend all kinds of money on insurance, hell sometimes they gotta do without and people that don’t work, have insurance, which makes no sense bro, no sense…
Here is another idea I had, you know how you go to NY City and that shit stinks and it’s dirty. They gotta have at least half of the damn population in that damn city on welfare and housing. Tell their asses to hit the streets and clean it up bro, someone needs to be getting their hands dirty. They can’t find jobs; we find something for them to do. We need people to provide daycare for mommas to go to work and school, straight! You getting welfare, you gonna work in government provided daycare, no more sitting in your house watching Jerry, we gonna help you help yourself!!!
Didn’t your momma every teach you? Yo, don’t give someone a fish; teach their asses how to fish…
No handouts bro, no handouts, and then you got them people thinking, you owe me, the government owes me… bullshit, no one owes you nothing…
What about them mommas saying they kids sick so they get a check? Bro, why a kid with ADD need a disability check? Check it out, if you told me you was gonna give her like ten hours at a local day care so she can get that little bugger out of her hair for a while cause if not she is gonna go crazy herself, I understand that, but why a check??? The schools be teaching them and shit. That momma don’t need anything extra…
Ohhhhhhhh!!! I almost forgot bro, I almost forgot…. This kid I know hooked me up with a Dell, ya know a laptop so I can be connected and check out what you up to on CNN. It started acting all goofy and I called him and he said he wasn’t no tech to call technical support, have you ever tried to call them tech support people???
I was talking to Yuba, she had an accent, but that’s cool you know? A lot of people do, but I was telling her that it was crazy hot here in the heart of it all and then I asked her if it was hot where she was at, you know what she told me, she couldn’t tell me where she was at…. I looked at that phone like Yuba was crazy, what you mean you can’t tell me??? Where are you at??? Finally she told me she was out of the country.
Are you for real?? You know how many people can work those jobs? Why you letting them send them jobs out of the country?? Man, even them big fat people on the Wal-Mart carts can run their mouths and work customer service, we don’t need to send our jobs out. Same for them companies that go to Mexico and shit to build stuff cheaper, you know that never made no sense to me either.
If the Mexicans are coming here to make money and the factories are working over there, you’d think something would’ve noticed something aint right….
Anyways back to these Benedict Arnolds, tax them! Tax the companies that outsource jobs and the ones that bring in foreign made products to sell here. Tax them outrageously. There are 307,006,550 people in this country. We have enough of a project trying to become self sufficient. If the company wants to stop doing business here, good riddance!!!! We need companies who believe in the American spirit and not in the capitalist-get-your-own-now-and-fuck-everyone-else-spirit but the lets-work-together-to-create-a- nation-that-allows-people-to-be-self-sufficient-independent-self-fulfilled-and-investing-fully-into-each- other-and-our-children’s-future spirit.
The worst part of it all, the craziest part of all of this bro, is that if we all looked to investing our money, our time, our interest in here, in America, the country would flourish….
I know why you stuck, why you can’t do anything. There are those who are so far up in the system, that are profiting so much from the way things are that they cant allow for it to be changed. Truth of the matter is … we can’t change it all, unless we ourselves change. We are responsible for allowing those people to take advantage of us. We are responsible for letting things so out of control.
People stopped caring about who was in office and what they was doing and they became numb.
Now everyone know who Ochocinco is gonna choose for his baby momma but don’t nobody know about the laws and how they be changing and the fact that we are so far in deficit that it’s not even funny.
When the gas prices went crazy, people suddenly woke up and the gas was like a dollar higher. It wasn’t over night, people. Wake up! They be raising prices of everything, everyday, passing laws you don’t even know about cause you too busy on facebook and then you gonna get mad, child please!!
Bro, there is so many things that can be done to change this. You just gotta get your strap on and make the hard decisions. The justice system sucks, its not rehabilitative, its crippling. Welfare is creating a generation of self entitled boobies. The education system is being destroyed, have you noticed that world wide we rank like 200th in education. Damn bro, I know we got some smart kids. Let’s start investing the money where its worth investing at.
Instead of paying Lebron the millions and millions of dollars he gets, I know this one teacher in my school that we drove insane, I swear she used to eat antacids every two minutes, she deserves millions of dollars because she stood with a bunch of lost hope kids and believed in them, that’s a lot harder than shooting hoops. How about them firefighters that jump into your house to save your ass in a fire, they go in there and get you out and they go back to get Fluffly??? The policeman who sticks his neck out there in the ugly parts of town, who have to run into the shootouts. How about you holla at your stay-at-home moms, who make it work on one income so they can be home not only for their kids, for the kids she helps when she volunteers and for the kids she watches at home to make a little extra money. How about the single parents?? They deserve millions and millions. For working and going to school and raising their kids and still wanting to better themselves to make it better.
How that crazy Lebron gets money like that??? I don’t know, there is something stupid about a society that is willing to pay a basketball player money like crazy and give minimum wage to a daycare worker.
I don’t know bro, I am just saying…
This aint about race either. The AZ law is wrong not because they illegal, but because the way to enforce it is to physically profile. Hell yea, you need to stop illegal immigration, but don’t make stupid suggestions, Hard problems require that you play hardball. People take advantage of welfare, all people, white, black and Hispanics. People go to jail and get branded for life, white, black and Hispanics.
Stop making it an issue about race and integration. It can’t be integrated. It will never be. Integration means that we will blend into some freakish creature, and we cant, our strength is our diversity. So stop, no one is going to have pot roast, collard greens and rice and beans for dinner. It’s not happening. Celebrate our diversity. Celebrate our differences and learn to use those differences as resources for our growth and improvement.
Maybe one day, not that far off, we can all sit together for a brand new type of Thanksgiving dinner. Can you picture it? Some rice and beans, get some macaroni and cheese and some fried chicken.
Now, when we can all sit down and enjoy that table just for the sake of the food, then we will have made progress, otherwise, this is just a game and the Arizona law is just the first step in our long course to self destruction.
Now do what you came to do! Lead us bro, lead the change, lead the revolution!!!
Word to your mother! Peace! I am out!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Love
A mother sitting at a park watching her son, Johnny, play T-ball with his friends. Johnny can’t swing as well as his friends but his mom sees him as precious, he is trying, he is working so hard, he has come such a long way. A love of a mother works that way.
A documentary talks about how some people establish relationships with prison inmates and fall in love and some even marry. Somehow, even the most misunderstood people of the world, have someone who loves them. Why?
Does the crazy person try harder to reach out to one person than to another? Is a mother totally biased because genetically speaking she is predisposed to love her child more? What makes someone be perceived as great by another?
I know it’s not Valentine’s Day yet and I hate to be corny, but it is love. Love changes how you view things.
The scientific method explains the phenomenon of observer effect. That which you are observing is changed by who observes it.
How does the scientific method apply to this you may ask? If you see someone a certain way, they will either rise or sink to meet your expectation.
Before you begin saying nay, let’s start on the same page.
We all communicate in different ways. We all communicate in words, body language, and even energetically. When someone walks into a room, you can interpret their attitude, their voice, tone and even pitch. When we come into a place where there is hostility, you can feel it, your tingly feelings pick up on it and you become aware and alert. Same thing happens when you run into someone you love and care for, before you have made it into their arms, you are already bathed in a loving feeling that suffuses every part of you and the moment is almost transformative.
So, how does this truly work?
Parents are the easiest examples around.
You have a baby and you are so happy that you have had her, you love her, and you have loved her since conception. You have pictured clearly in your head the times you will sit down and play tea with her and the dresses you will make her and the ballerina slippers she will wear as a young ballet debutante. You even had her name framed in the prettiest pink tulle.
The moment has arrived and she is here. You look into her eyes and know that she will be mom’s best friend and daddy’s little girl for the rest of her life. You bring the little princess back home and she cries, constantly and inconsolably, you call your mother, your doctor, the nurse and your best friend, Sandy who has a baby older than yours by just a week. They all tell you, don’t worry all babies are different; your baby is well fed, changed, and loved. It is just her personality.
At that moment, something happens to you. Your view begins to change, all of the things that don’t fit what you think she should be, become her personality. Oh My! She is so headstrong and independent someone mentions during mommy and me classes; you smile proudly, but keep it in the back of your head. Headstrong? Was that a compliment?
The same thing happens when she starts to walk, color, going to the park. She is active, into everything, not a moment’s peace for you. Tea party? HA! She breaks the little cups and runs away using the dress you made her as a rug to sit on the mud.
She goes to school and you get called in by the teacher.
Teacher: You know, sometimes we have a hard time with her.
Mom: I know, she is so headstrong and independent.
Teacher: Well, we need to do something; she is becoming disruptive and a problem.
You go home and you are so upset, this is NOT how you pictured it. Where is your pink loving baby? Why does she act like this? Finally, she comes to you; she wants to show you the dead frog she has outside by the tree. You look at this creature that came from you and say with all the love you are capable of giving and yet almost defeated, and you ask: why are you so difficult honey? Why can’t you be like the other little girls?
Of course you love your daughter, of course you will do anything for her, but she is so different, nothing like what you expected. As she grows, you try to mold her into your pink dreams and clouds and she chafes, she is more and more herself, you see her as alien and different. Your last view of her is as she jumps into a car with her friends at sixteen, after the last argument about how you don’t understand!
You have been told that she is headstrong and independent, and difficult in class and disruptive, you can’t connect with her and the worse part is that after all of your efforts, after all of the sacrifices and countless nights staring at the ceiling wondering what you will do with her, she doesn’t see that, she only sees that you don’t get her. How does she know that you don’t get her? How can she say that you don’t accept her?
Because she FEELS it!!! She can feel in her heart that you don’t accept her as she is, and so she removes herself from you. Because you, the observer, reject or do not understand, and you AFFECT the results.
Take the other end of the spectrum. A nurse grows up in a household with an alcoholic parent. She is aware of the cycles of this illness and understands addiction, she is compassionate because she has lived the process and believes, with all of her heart and all of the faith that she can muster for human kind that people will overcome.
As she walks through the ward, the patients flock to her. She has brought them chocolate chip cookies she baked for them last night. As she passes the cookies out, she talks to one each one of them, she makes eye contact with them and she fills her words with kindness and love. She decides that no matter how they got here or what it is that they do, that they are all wonderful fellow human beings and that they deserve to be believed in and loved and supported on their path. They can sense it, they know how she feels because her body language, her words, everything about her screams, “I accept you, I believe in you.”
Some of them stay away from her because they don’t believe in her love, her feelings. And patiently, she seeks them out. They reject her, they tell her that they are garbage, that they are the worse of society and that she cannot love them because they are unlovable. Unshaken in her believes, she reaches out for their hand, she puts a cookie in their hand and firmly, with a conviction that only “knowing” can give you, she tells them, “That is not true, I know you are more than you can see.”
Again, something happens inside that person. She sees something in me; she sees something that no one else has seen before. Perhaps she is not wrong, perhaps there is goodness inside me, and has always been there, just no one noticed. Perhaps, I can do this, perhaps…. And so begin they begin to hope and dreams of being more and rising to the occasion.
Human beings have basic needs. Maslow would have told you that they are food, shelter and clothing. I think it goes further, they need acceptance and love.
Acceptance and love come from a place within you of total unconditional presence.
What the heck does that mean?
It means that when you stand in front of someone, you come to them with no judgments, expectations, labels or ideas of how they should be or the things they should do. That means that you look at them compassionately and lovingly. It means you give your love and acceptance with empathy and compassion and with no requirement of reciprocity. Because it matters not what they do, there isn’t anything in the world they can do that will change the way you feel about them.
If you have labeled someone, you have not loved them unconditionally. They will stay within the limits of the labels you have placed on them and your relationship will not grow, it cannot. The chains of your judgment and labeling will forever limit them, even if you have done it with the best of intentions.
It is not easy to sit there and love someone that way. It means that you cannot take anything personal. Their growth pattern and decisions are entirely their own and you cannot interfere, you can offer advise and listen when they need you to, guide and parent, but unconditional love says that you must let them work it out because you believe them capable. This extends even to children, especially to children.
So, how does this all tie into the woman who was married to the triple homicide murderer in TX right before his execution? What does this have to do with Johnny and his mom?
Both of these women are able to see their beloved with perfect love and acceptance. They believe in them, they believe in the goodness in them and in the fact that even though these individuals are not perfect, they are wonderful and love-worthy individuals.
Wonderful essay, now what? Ok, ok, ok, I will spell it out.
STOP!!!
Labeling, judging, patronizing, expecting and letting your ego control the relationships you have with those around you.
Don’t label your children, let them be who they are and work with those around them to ensure that he can be his best within the environment he has to be in. Don’t break his spirit!!
Don’t judge your husband, he is a complete separate individual, and what makes you happy doesn’t make you happy. Honor him by trusting him to know what makes him happy and give him space to do the things he feels he has to do. A happy man can make a woman happy, can be a happy parent. An angry, resentful one, cannot.
Stop expecting for your parents to be who you thought they should have been, just realize that they did all they could do with the tools they had in the moment they were in.
This is not an excuse for irresponsible behavior, but an opportunity to stop sweating the small things. It is a chance to really be there for those you love, for those you care for by not putting ideas, your ideas and your judgments, before their feelings. It is an opportunity to listen not only with your ears, but with all of your heart.
How do you do this? Here are a few tips
Be present. When someone is talking to you, listen with all of your senses.
Be loving: Even if the message being delivered is not very nice, just repeat in your head that you do love that person and you choose not to react to this because you don’t know what is going on with them.
Be loyal: To the way you know they can be, to the love-filled person you know they are.
Be patient: Lovingly accept and do not rush, some people are not used to thinking of themselves as wonderful and love-worthy, give them time to adapt.
Why am I telling you this? Because it’s time. It’s time we stop blaming the world, the universe, the 60s and everything else for what is going on. Somehow we have all created the problems in society; it will take all of us to heal it and to move forward. The prison inmate who found his soul mate is just as deserving of love as Johnny, perhaps, he needed it more.
We all deserve love. We all deserve to know what its like to know that someone has your back and that they will stand by you. We deserve that, all of us, even the man that was taken to the death chamber and cried one single solitary tear for his new bride as the lethal injection stopped his heart.
This is not a recipe for world peace. We are confrontational beings; world peace is still a few evolutionary steps away. But love, love was innate, it is primeval, it was in your heart and it is what you brought here. Love is at the basis of creation and it gives you a foundation to build life upon. Love allows you to see people as perfect and whole, wonderful loving beings that make mistakes and learn. You teach yourself to see people as dynamic expressions of love.
Look at them with the eyes of love, because they deserve it. Look at them with the eyes of love, because it is who YOU are. Look at live with the eyes of love and there will be no choice but to be surrounded by love. And so the song goes….
All you need is love…..
A documentary talks about how some people establish relationships with prison inmates and fall in love and some even marry. Somehow, even the most misunderstood people of the world, have someone who loves them. Why?
Does the crazy person try harder to reach out to one person than to another? Is a mother totally biased because genetically speaking she is predisposed to love her child more? What makes someone be perceived as great by another?
I know it’s not Valentine’s Day yet and I hate to be corny, but it is love. Love changes how you view things.
The scientific method explains the phenomenon of observer effect. That which you are observing is changed by who observes it.
How does the scientific method apply to this you may ask? If you see someone a certain way, they will either rise or sink to meet your expectation.
Before you begin saying nay, let’s start on the same page.
We all communicate in different ways. We all communicate in words, body language, and even energetically. When someone walks into a room, you can interpret their attitude, their voice, tone and even pitch. When we come into a place where there is hostility, you can feel it, your tingly feelings pick up on it and you become aware and alert. Same thing happens when you run into someone you love and care for, before you have made it into their arms, you are already bathed in a loving feeling that suffuses every part of you and the moment is almost transformative.
So, how does this truly work?
Parents are the easiest examples around.
You have a baby and you are so happy that you have had her, you love her, and you have loved her since conception. You have pictured clearly in your head the times you will sit down and play tea with her and the dresses you will make her and the ballerina slippers she will wear as a young ballet debutante. You even had her name framed in the prettiest pink tulle.
The moment has arrived and she is here. You look into her eyes and know that she will be mom’s best friend and daddy’s little girl for the rest of her life. You bring the little princess back home and she cries, constantly and inconsolably, you call your mother, your doctor, the nurse and your best friend, Sandy who has a baby older than yours by just a week. They all tell you, don’t worry all babies are different; your baby is well fed, changed, and loved. It is just her personality.
At that moment, something happens to you. Your view begins to change, all of the things that don’t fit what you think she should be, become her personality. Oh My! She is so headstrong and independent someone mentions during mommy and me classes; you smile proudly, but keep it in the back of your head. Headstrong? Was that a compliment?
The same thing happens when she starts to walk, color, going to the park. She is active, into everything, not a moment’s peace for you. Tea party? HA! She breaks the little cups and runs away using the dress you made her as a rug to sit on the mud.
She goes to school and you get called in by the teacher.
Teacher: You know, sometimes we have a hard time with her.
Mom: I know, she is so headstrong and independent.
Teacher: Well, we need to do something; she is becoming disruptive and a problem.
You go home and you are so upset, this is NOT how you pictured it. Where is your pink loving baby? Why does she act like this? Finally, she comes to you; she wants to show you the dead frog she has outside by the tree. You look at this creature that came from you and say with all the love you are capable of giving and yet almost defeated, and you ask: why are you so difficult honey? Why can’t you be like the other little girls?
Of course you love your daughter, of course you will do anything for her, but she is so different, nothing like what you expected. As she grows, you try to mold her into your pink dreams and clouds and she chafes, she is more and more herself, you see her as alien and different. Your last view of her is as she jumps into a car with her friends at sixteen, after the last argument about how you don’t understand!
You have been told that she is headstrong and independent, and difficult in class and disruptive, you can’t connect with her and the worse part is that after all of your efforts, after all of the sacrifices and countless nights staring at the ceiling wondering what you will do with her, she doesn’t see that, she only sees that you don’t get her. How does she know that you don’t get her? How can she say that you don’t accept her?
Because she FEELS it!!! She can feel in her heart that you don’t accept her as she is, and so she removes herself from you. Because you, the observer, reject or do not understand, and you AFFECT the results.
Take the other end of the spectrum. A nurse grows up in a household with an alcoholic parent. She is aware of the cycles of this illness and understands addiction, she is compassionate because she has lived the process and believes, with all of her heart and all of the faith that she can muster for human kind that people will overcome.
As she walks through the ward, the patients flock to her. She has brought them chocolate chip cookies she baked for them last night. As she passes the cookies out, she talks to one each one of them, she makes eye contact with them and she fills her words with kindness and love. She decides that no matter how they got here or what it is that they do, that they are all wonderful fellow human beings and that they deserve to be believed in and loved and supported on their path. They can sense it, they know how she feels because her body language, her words, everything about her screams, “I accept you, I believe in you.”
Some of them stay away from her because they don’t believe in her love, her feelings. And patiently, she seeks them out. They reject her, they tell her that they are garbage, that they are the worse of society and that she cannot love them because they are unlovable. Unshaken in her believes, she reaches out for their hand, she puts a cookie in their hand and firmly, with a conviction that only “knowing” can give you, she tells them, “That is not true, I know you are more than you can see.”
Again, something happens inside that person. She sees something in me; she sees something that no one else has seen before. Perhaps she is not wrong, perhaps there is goodness inside me, and has always been there, just no one noticed. Perhaps, I can do this, perhaps…. And so begin they begin to hope and dreams of being more and rising to the occasion.
Human beings have basic needs. Maslow would have told you that they are food, shelter and clothing. I think it goes further, they need acceptance and love.
Acceptance and love come from a place within you of total unconditional presence.
What the heck does that mean?
It means that when you stand in front of someone, you come to them with no judgments, expectations, labels or ideas of how they should be or the things they should do. That means that you look at them compassionately and lovingly. It means you give your love and acceptance with empathy and compassion and with no requirement of reciprocity. Because it matters not what they do, there isn’t anything in the world they can do that will change the way you feel about them.
If you have labeled someone, you have not loved them unconditionally. They will stay within the limits of the labels you have placed on them and your relationship will not grow, it cannot. The chains of your judgment and labeling will forever limit them, even if you have done it with the best of intentions.
It is not easy to sit there and love someone that way. It means that you cannot take anything personal. Their growth pattern and decisions are entirely their own and you cannot interfere, you can offer advise and listen when they need you to, guide and parent, but unconditional love says that you must let them work it out because you believe them capable. This extends even to children, especially to children.
So, how does this all tie into the woman who was married to the triple homicide murderer in TX right before his execution? What does this have to do with Johnny and his mom?
Both of these women are able to see their beloved with perfect love and acceptance. They believe in them, they believe in the goodness in them and in the fact that even though these individuals are not perfect, they are wonderful and love-worthy individuals.
Wonderful essay, now what? Ok, ok, ok, I will spell it out.
STOP!!!
Labeling, judging, patronizing, expecting and letting your ego control the relationships you have with those around you.
Don’t label your children, let them be who they are and work with those around them to ensure that he can be his best within the environment he has to be in. Don’t break his spirit!!
Don’t judge your husband, he is a complete separate individual, and what makes you happy doesn’t make you happy. Honor him by trusting him to know what makes him happy and give him space to do the things he feels he has to do. A happy man can make a woman happy, can be a happy parent. An angry, resentful one, cannot.
Stop expecting for your parents to be who you thought they should have been, just realize that they did all they could do with the tools they had in the moment they were in.
This is not an excuse for irresponsible behavior, but an opportunity to stop sweating the small things. It is a chance to really be there for those you love, for those you care for by not putting ideas, your ideas and your judgments, before their feelings. It is an opportunity to listen not only with your ears, but with all of your heart.
How do you do this? Here are a few tips
Be present. When someone is talking to you, listen with all of your senses.
Be loving: Even if the message being delivered is not very nice, just repeat in your head that you do love that person and you choose not to react to this because you don’t know what is going on with them.
Be loyal: To the way you know they can be, to the love-filled person you know they are.
Be patient: Lovingly accept and do not rush, some people are not used to thinking of themselves as wonderful and love-worthy, give them time to adapt.
Why am I telling you this? Because it’s time. It’s time we stop blaming the world, the universe, the 60s and everything else for what is going on. Somehow we have all created the problems in society; it will take all of us to heal it and to move forward. The prison inmate who found his soul mate is just as deserving of love as Johnny, perhaps, he needed it more.
We all deserve love. We all deserve to know what its like to know that someone has your back and that they will stand by you. We deserve that, all of us, even the man that was taken to the death chamber and cried one single solitary tear for his new bride as the lethal injection stopped his heart.
This is not a recipe for world peace. We are confrontational beings; world peace is still a few evolutionary steps away. But love, love was innate, it is primeval, it was in your heart and it is what you brought here. Love is at the basis of creation and it gives you a foundation to build life upon. Love allows you to see people as perfect and whole, wonderful loving beings that make mistakes and learn. You teach yourself to see people as dynamic expressions of love.
Look at them with the eyes of love, because they deserve it. Look at them with the eyes of love, because it is who YOU are. Look at live with the eyes of love and there will be no choice but to be surrounded by love. And so the song goes….
All you need is love…..
Sunday, May 2, 2010
New Statue of Liberty Inscription
"Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"
Ahemmmmm!!!! Perhaps we should change that…
It should be more like….
“Take them, take them all back. All of the immigrants that come to this country to suck our resources dry. Take those who are nothing but a constant drain on our government, take all of them, from whatever country they are from. They are of no use; they provide nothing to us… Especially those Hispanic looking ones, I will build fences and declare open season on them and I will target them and chase them out of here with their tails between their legs. “
126 years have passed since the French gave the United States the Statue of liberty and yet so much has changed especially the lady’s attitude about immigrants.
On April 20, 2010 in one of the biggest displays of a change of attitude towards immigrants, the state of Arizona passed a new movement towards the handling of illegal criminals.
The law states that a police officer can stop someone who is already suspected of another crime and can ask him to show proof of his legal status. The officer, based on the sensitivity training he will have received, will look at you and ponder on the possibility of whether or not you are an illegal alien or not and then ask for your papers.
Hmmmm!!!! Let’s see, what will he be looking at???
Let me guess, the kind of car you drive? The clothes you are wearing? Your signature cologne???
WRONG!!!!
He will look at the color of your skin, your features and he will racially profile you. Then he will come to the conclusion that since your race is more than likely from another country, you will probably be here illegally and will ask for you to proof your right to be in this country.
Help me, if you can….. How is this NOT racially profiling???
Because I really doubt that Nura Oyenusi will be asked about her status or that Adelina Berberi would be asked for her documents. My South African friend and the Albanian one will be ok, one is black, and the other one is white.
Now, if you have dark hair and brown skin. Now that is a different story…
Then you certainly jumped the border, smuggled drugs, receive government benefits and are here to rob us of our resources.
Many people are fighting that this law has NOTHING to do with race and all to do with criminals. But there is no way to implement this law unless you judge based on race. If you arrest a group of people and then it comes up that they were illegal and you begin deportation procedures, I would be ok with that.
If you stop someone and you ask to see their papers because according to you there is a great likelihood that this person is illegal, I have a HUGE problem with that.
Racial profiling exists. EVERYWHERE. But it is NOT supposed to be supported by law enforcement.
Don’t kid yourself, Mr. Bush lied, racial profiling is not leaving, you cannot control it, you cannot even impose a law to eradicate it. It is something inside the person, a non-acceptance of someone who looks different, who is culturally different from you. I would like to tell you that it is not so. But there are so many instances in which I have been profiled, it would take far too long to share.
At this point, I don’t care about your racial profiles. I am used to it. I am used to the surprised looks from people who notice that I speak English fluently. I am used to people introducing me as their Mexican, Cuban, Puerto Rican immigrant friend; I am used to people speaking to me in whatever level of Spanish they took in high school. I am used to people who joke with me about immigration, taco bell, large families, you name it.
It’s not funny, but I’ve become immune to it. It’s hurtful and humiliating, but that’s ok, you think it’s funny!!!
I do care though that these laws will affect my children.
Already here, in the heart of it all, my oldest has to contend with the witty remarks of those who don’t comprehend that she was born and raised in the United States. She is about to get her license and besides from the drunk driving talk, we also had a talk about getting pulled over because of your looks and not letting an officer search your car without a police warrant.
Ahhhh, those little rites of passage.
Why do I teach her that? Because it has happened to me. More times than I care to count. At stores, at movie theaters, when dealing with the government, when applying for a job, when taking my kids to school, when taking a bus, even when I am walking around town.
It never stops amusing me when I hear white people (can I say that??? They call me Mexican…) saying that we are sucking the government dry.
People can’t go and take from the government, the social services that immigrants are given are granted by the people who work for the government, who follow rules established by your lawmakers.
You don’t like it???? Get involved, vote, and change it.
My favorite bumper sticker…
“I WON’T LEARN ANOTHER LANGUAGE IN MY OWN COUNTRY” or “I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO PRESS 1 FOR ENGLISH”
I am an interpreter. The company I work for is hired by the huge corporations in this country; we also work with most government agencies. The service we provide is paid by those who hire us. They are the ones that commission that forms be filled out in more than one language and that make all of these commodities available.
We are not walking into a business and translating the forms for each other.
YOUR LAWMAKERS AND CORPORATE HEADS ARE DECIDING THAT IT IS A GOOD IDEA TO CREATE THESE THINGS.
Illegals don’t qualify for social services. You must be able to proof your residence or citizenship in order to receive Medicaid, medicare, food stamps and welfare. Their kids qualify.
“Yea, that’s why they have so many kids… sucking down the system…”
Did you know that the government will pay for an illegal woman to have a baby, but REFUSES to pay for birth control, or to educate them about family planning????
BRILLIANT!!!!
We educate the children. Make education compulsory regardless of immigration status, provide bilingual education, get interpreters for parent teacher conferences, but if the parents get deported, the child goes back with the parent to the country of origin.
So, we will get rid of the parent and child, send them back to their original country even though the child is an American citizen and knows nothing of the other culture.
GENIUS!!!!!
Even better, the sheriff of a town nearby said that illegals are here stealing the jobs that belong to American citizens.
Of course, there are thousands of fights at the chicken factories, people just fist-fighting each other for the chance to work there for ten dollars a day; not a day goes by when someone is not wishing out loud to be able to work in the farms, next to the insecticides, for cents a day.
Get real, some Americans won’t even work at McDonalds, do you think they would want those jobs that offer a substandard of living?
What will you do when the Department of Labor goes into that factory and that farm and demands that the employees are protected by the same labor laws that are granted to everyone else? Will you be willing to pay $5.00 for a pound of tomatoes? Will you pay $15.00 for a chicken?
What many people don’t realize is that because of the very little that companies pay those illegal immigrants are the prices of the things they buy so low. Remember sweat shops, yeah, the companies are not going to lower their profit margin just to abide to the new law that says you shouldn’t hire illegals. Someone is going to pay for the increases in their production cost… guess who?
No one in this country can solve the immigration situation with one reform. You can’t solve it with two or three. To be perfectly honest, I don’t know that you can solve it at all.
The same illegals you will arrest and take into jail are going to bog down the system; it will cause a deficit in the government agency that enforces it.
What will happen when you pick up and demand proof of status from a Naturalized Hispanic? You know, still brown and dark haired, but legal. They can’t produce any proof; the government has nothing that identifies a person as a citizen. Then what will they do? Arrest him until he can find someone to bring his 8 X 10 certificate of naturalization to the station. What happens then? Will the officers apologize? Will the State apologize? Can you say lawsuit??
(Read in redneck accent) “I am so sorry sonny, I thought you was one of them Mexicans that came over here, speaking Spanish and living like 25 in a house with their taco bells and their loud music.”
Well, not Mexican, but, you just described most Hispanics, legal or not.
When I became an American Citizen, Judge Rose said that the divisiveness was over. That they welcomed us with arms wide open and that they were so happy to have us here. That we had traveled such a long and hard path and that we were finally reached the end of that path and we were granted, like everyone else, the right to freedom, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
Ladies and Gentlemen, this new law is racial profiling. There is no other way to call it. It is amazing that this nation that was founded by those who were escaping oppression is willing to use the same techniques to take care of a problem that is continually perpetuated by them.
Have you ever asked your lawmakers why not close the borders? Have you asked why it is that this “problem” has continued for so long and no one has ever done anything about it?
There are million of conspiracy theories that can give you a myriad of complicated reasons as to why. But the simplest one is that it is not profitable. We are not a nation ruled by morals, values, ideologies or even lessons learnt in the past. We are ruled by the Almighty Dollar. Not so mighty anymore, but still the main reason why we do things.
We are not pursuing illegals because of the concept of them coming over and violating the law. We are not pursuing this because they are criminals. We are pursuing this because we have somehow conceived the notion that they are taking money from the government.
We are hatefully doing this based on ignorance.
The line has been drawn on the sand. The people will express their opinion and decide which side they belong to.
Is illegal immigration the cause of all evil?
Or
This is a problem that we can all solve, together.
I don’t know anymore.
As an American citizen, I understand the concerns about the economy, the concerns about the future and how we must find a way for our country to grow. But I will never accept a law that judges people based on their looks, their heritage, and their culture.
So I walk over to the other side, to support those who come here to earn a living, legally or illegally and give their life to a country who considers them a disease. I support the idea that hunting illegals at the border is inhumane and that this law is a total violation of the constitution that I was sworn to uphold.
Many of us have learnt many lessons in our path here; many of us went to school, pursued higher educations and conquered the American dream. We are a knowledgeable and intelligent group who understands laws, rights and liberties. We have assimilated and adapted to your culture. Learnt from your tenets and will hold them, even if you don’t.
Today, at 46.9 million, Hispanics are the largest minority in the United States and we will stay and prevail, in the land of the free and the home of the brave.
Ahemmmmm!!!! Perhaps we should change that…
It should be more like….
“Take them, take them all back. All of the immigrants that come to this country to suck our resources dry. Take those who are nothing but a constant drain on our government, take all of them, from whatever country they are from. They are of no use; they provide nothing to us… Especially those Hispanic looking ones, I will build fences and declare open season on them and I will target them and chase them out of here with their tails between their legs. “
126 years have passed since the French gave the United States the Statue of liberty and yet so much has changed especially the lady’s attitude about immigrants.
On April 20, 2010 in one of the biggest displays of a change of attitude towards immigrants, the state of Arizona passed a new movement towards the handling of illegal criminals.
The law states that a police officer can stop someone who is already suspected of another crime and can ask him to show proof of his legal status. The officer, based on the sensitivity training he will have received, will look at you and ponder on the possibility of whether or not you are an illegal alien or not and then ask for your papers.
Hmmmm!!!! Let’s see, what will he be looking at???
Let me guess, the kind of car you drive? The clothes you are wearing? Your signature cologne???
WRONG!!!!
He will look at the color of your skin, your features and he will racially profile you. Then he will come to the conclusion that since your race is more than likely from another country, you will probably be here illegally and will ask for you to proof your right to be in this country.
Help me, if you can….. How is this NOT racially profiling???
Because I really doubt that Nura Oyenusi will be asked about her status or that Adelina Berberi would be asked for her documents. My South African friend and the Albanian one will be ok, one is black, and the other one is white.
Now, if you have dark hair and brown skin. Now that is a different story…
Then you certainly jumped the border, smuggled drugs, receive government benefits and are here to rob us of our resources.
Many people are fighting that this law has NOTHING to do with race and all to do with criminals. But there is no way to implement this law unless you judge based on race. If you arrest a group of people and then it comes up that they were illegal and you begin deportation procedures, I would be ok with that.
If you stop someone and you ask to see their papers because according to you there is a great likelihood that this person is illegal, I have a HUGE problem with that.
Racial profiling exists. EVERYWHERE. But it is NOT supposed to be supported by law enforcement.
Don’t kid yourself, Mr. Bush lied, racial profiling is not leaving, you cannot control it, you cannot even impose a law to eradicate it. It is something inside the person, a non-acceptance of someone who looks different, who is culturally different from you. I would like to tell you that it is not so. But there are so many instances in which I have been profiled, it would take far too long to share.
At this point, I don’t care about your racial profiles. I am used to it. I am used to the surprised looks from people who notice that I speak English fluently. I am used to people introducing me as their Mexican, Cuban, Puerto Rican immigrant friend; I am used to people speaking to me in whatever level of Spanish they took in high school. I am used to people who joke with me about immigration, taco bell, large families, you name it.
It’s not funny, but I’ve become immune to it. It’s hurtful and humiliating, but that’s ok, you think it’s funny!!!
I do care though that these laws will affect my children.
Already here, in the heart of it all, my oldest has to contend with the witty remarks of those who don’t comprehend that she was born and raised in the United States. She is about to get her license and besides from the drunk driving talk, we also had a talk about getting pulled over because of your looks and not letting an officer search your car without a police warrant.
Ahhhh, those little rites of passage.
Why do I teach her that? Because it has happened to me. More times than I care to count. At stores, at movie theaters, when dealing with the government, when applying for a job, when taking my kids to school, when taking a bus, even when I am walking around town.
It never stops amusing me when I hear white people (can I say that??? They call me Mexican…) saying that we are sucking the government dry.
People can’t go and take from the government, the social services that immigrants are given are granted by the people who work for the government, who follow rules established by your lawmakers.
You don’t like it???? Get involved, vote, and change it.
My favorite bumper sticker…
“I WON’T LEARN ANOTHER LANGUAGE IN MY OWN COUNTRY” or “I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO PRESS 1 FOR ENGLISH”
I am an interpreter. The company I work for is hired by the huge corporations in this country; we also work with most government agencies. The service we provide is paid by those who hire us. They are the ones that commission that forms be filled out in more than one language and that make all of these commodities available.
We are not walking into a business and translating the forms for each other.
YOUR LAWMAKERS AND CORPORATE HEADS ARE DECIDING THAT IT IS A GOOD IDEA TO CREATE THESE THINGS.
Illegals don’t qualify for social services. You must be able to proof your residence or citizenship in order to receive Medicaid, medicare, food stamps and welfare. Their kids qualify.
“Yea, that’s why they have so many kids… sucking down the system…”
Did you know that the government will pay for an illegal woman to have a baby, but REFUSES to pay for birth control, or to educate them about family planning????
BRILLIANT!!!!
We educate the children. Make education compulsory regardless of immigration status, provide bilingual education, get interpreters for parent teacher conferences, but if the parents get deported, the child goes back with the parent to the country of origin.
So, we will get rid of the parent and child, send them back to their original country even though the child is an American citizen and knows nothing of the other culture.
GENIUS!!!!!
Even better, the sheriff of a town nearby said that illegals are here stealing the jobs that belong to American citizens.
Of course, there are thousands of fights at the chicken factories, people just fist-fighting each other for the chance to work there for ten dollars a day; not a day goes by when someone is not wishing out loud to be able to work in the farms, next to the insecticides, for cents a day.
Get real, some Americans won’t even work at McDonalds, do you think they would want those jobs that offer a substandard of living?
What will you do when the Department of Labor goes into that factory and that farm and demands that the employees are protected by the same labor laws that are granted to everyone else? Will you be willing to pay $5.00 for a pound of tomatoes? Will you pay $15.00 for a chicken?
What many people don’t realize is that because of the very little that companies pay those illegal immigrants are the prices of the things they buy so low. Remember sweat shops, yeah, the companies are not going to lower their profit margin just to abide to the new law that says you shouldn’t hire illegals. Someone is going to pay for the increases in their production cost… guess who?
No one in this country can solve the immigration situation with one reform. You can’t solve it with two or three. To be perfectly honest, I don’t know that you can solve it at all.
The same illegals you will arrest and take into jail are going to bog down the system; it will cause a deficit in the government agency that enforces it.
What will happen when you pick up and demand proof of status from a Naturalized Hispanic? You know, still brown and dark haired, but legal. They can’t produce any proof; the government has nothing that identifies a person as a citizen. Then what will they do? Arrest him until he can find someone to bring his 8 X 10 certificate of naturalization to the station. What happens then? Will the officers apologize? Will the State apologize? Can you say lawsuit??
(Read in redneck accent) “I am so sorry sonny, I thought you was one of them Mexicans that came over here, speaking Spanish and living like 25 in a house with their taco bells and their loud music.”
Well, not Mexican, but, you just described most Hispanics, legal or not.
When I became an American Citizen, Judge Rose said that the divisiveness was over. That they welcomed us with arms wide open and that they were so happy to have us here. That we had traveled such a long and hard path and that we were finally reached the end of that path and we were granted, like everyone else, the right to freedom, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
Ladies and Gentlemen, this new law is racial profiling. There is no other way to call it. It is amazing that this nation that was founded by those who were escaping oppression is willing to use the same techniques to take care of a problem that is continually perpetuated by them.
Have you ever asked your lawmakers why not close the borders? Have you asked why it is that this “problem” has continued for so long and no one has ever done anything about it?
There are million of conspiracy theories that can give you a myriad of complicated reasons as to why. But the simplest one is that it is not profitable. We are not a nation ruled by morals, values, ideologies or even lessons learnt in the past. We are ruled by the Almighty Dollar. Not so mighty anymore, but still the main reason why we do things.
We are not pursuing illegals because of the concept of them coming over and violating the law. We are not pursuing this because they are criminals. We are pursuing this because we have somehow conceived the notion that they are taking money from the government.
We are hatefully doing this based on ignorance.
The line has been drawn on the sand. The people will express their opinion and decide which side they belong to.
Is illegal immigration the cause of all evil?
Or
This is a problem that we can all solve, together.
I don’t know anymore.
As an American citizen, I understand the concerns about the economy, the concerns about the future and how we must find a way for our country to grow. But I will never accept a law that judges people based on their looks, their heritage, and their culture.
So I walk over to the other side, to support those who come here to earn a living, legally or illegally and give their life to a country who considers them a disease. I support the idea that hunting illegals at the border is inhumane and that this law is a total violation of the constitution that I was sworn to uphold.
Many of us have learnt many lessons in our path here; many of us went to school, pursued higher educations and conquered the American dream. We are a knowledgeable and intelligent group who understands laws, rights and liberties. We have assimilated and adapted to your culture. Learnt from your tenets and will hold them, even if you don’t.
Today, at 46.9 million, Hispanics are the largest minority in the United States and we will stay and prevail, in the land of the free and the home of the brave.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Nurturing side
Proms are right around the corner. Victoria mentioned that she will be going next year and of course, I started making mental preparations; we need a dress, mani & pedi, hair appointment, maybe a few tanning sessions, not that she needs it, and then tickets.
I stopped for a moment and I asked her, who pays for the ticket?
I had been to prom twice. Once to Luis’ prom and mine, in both occasions we had been each others date. I can’t remember who paid for what, so I was curious to find out how the Millenials handled this issue.
She said she really wasn’t sure, but if it was such an issue, she would pay for her own ticket. Thank you very much.
That’s my girl! Strong, independent and she makes her own way! (Two snaps up in a circle!!)
She left for school and I got ready to write on an entirely different subject and I couldn’t concentrate, finally I let my mind wander, not too long mind you, lest it wanders away forever.
I kept going back to the conversation with Victoria. I told myself that she was independent and strong and able to stand on her own two feet and needed nothing and no one to make it in this world.
The voice in my head began suddenly took on another tone and I was startled.
Honestly, I was more than startled, I was horrified; I sound just like my mother.
Not that there is anything wrong with being like my mother. I didn’t think that I was like that.
My mom is the quintessential Rosie the riveter. She is strong and she is a hard worker and she does not need a man to give her anything. Shove your home life idea because she will be out there, every day working hard and providing for her home. Remember that song, “that little frail girl can do more than a man can do”. That is my mother.
She pushed away anything that was domestic, hiring a maid for the household and enrolled us in the best schools. When my dad could not decide what he loved more if her or the bottle, she paid him off for his time in the marriage and escorted him to the door and never looked back. There was a lot more to her story with him, but suffice it to say she felt she had been able to buy her freedom.
Like my mom, my aunts are all very strong women. They knew how to work hard, how to achieve and how to be successful. They worked two and three jobs and they have even changed their brain circuitry away from the usual circles of women, to become problem solvers and linear thinkers.
Ask any of us. You have a problem? Let me help you fix it…. PLEASE!!!!!! I know so many things, I am so well trained to deal with these things, I can solve this problem for you…
We don’t actually come out and say that, but we might as well. We take over the problem and get involved , too involved.
As the next generation from the Rosies, we are out to proof ourselves just as hard workers as the previous generations and as good providers, problem solvers and go getters. We are hard.
But hold on a minute, I don’t want to be hard.
I can be all of those things without being hard. I can be strong and not hard. I can be resilient and not tough. I can be warm and loving and independent and not isolated, bitchy and cold.
Somewhere in our brains, we got it all mixed up.
The strength of a woman doesn’t come from doing everything a man can do. It comes from knowing the things that only she can do.
Yes, men and women can do anything that the opposite sex can do. Absolutely, very true, I will not refute it.
But that is if your personality is suited for it.
There is nothing worse than a man trying to be nurturing when he is not feeling it. Or a woman trying to come off as a hard-ass, when you know, that she is crying inside.
Because of the lessons that the women in my life had learnt, I was not around very nurturing women while growing up. So I had no idea how much strength derives from a woman’s love and a woman’s tenderness. How her quiet ways and indomitable faith makes her as powerful as the most impressive show of brute strength.
We thought that by being tough and strong we showed men we could be just like them. Yea!!!!
Power and strength manifest itself in different ways. Just like a tornado can rip off a tree from the roots, so can the soft wind germinate the next season’s flowers. The ten foot wave that swallows the shore is the same water that slowly erodes the rock.
Point? Fine, I will draw you a picture.
There is beauty and power in being soft, resilient and nurturing.
Women nowadays have a hard time dealing with that. Women, who still want to be cared for and loved, feel uneasy about showing these needs because they feel vulnerable. We chastise ourselves for feeling any weakness and beat our daughters when they do not show themselves as completely self assured.
We make it a point to make our boys tough, don’t cry, boys don’t cry. And girls cry but they also get up and kick the boy’s butt, don’t let him do that to you.
Being a bitch is marketed as a commendable trait and more and more you see marriages and relationships deteriorate when women take on this attitude . “Be a bitch and he will love you more”. Skinny bitch, pretty bitch, apparently being a bitch is something desirable.
As with every good thing that was taken to an extreme, a woman’s rejection of her innate nurturing side has had devastating consequences.
It is not uncommon for a mother to leave her child with a grandparent, to not feel a bond with it, to not nurture it and sometimes even mistreat it.
Don’t fly off the handle, I am not saying that this is the reason why these things happen, but follow me for just a moment.
If my mother left the house to go to work in the morning and didn’t return until late in the afternoon and I came home to an empty house and no one was there, or looked at my homework or even ate with me or showed that they cared one bean about me. Chances are that when I grow up, I will be the same way.
In relationships, in parenting, in everything.
Then this becomes ok to you, because, well your parents did this to you, and you are still here, so it must be ok, right? WRONG. Just because your parents made the mistake they did, it doesn’t mean that it’s ok for you to make it as well. Just because your parents were not aware of the consequences of their actions it doesn’t not mean that you are allowed to perpetuate them.
All of the problems that did not exist back then, can find a root at this hardening of women and their decision to walk out of their home in search of real power.
Obesity, well the kid is not buying his or her own food, and when he or she comes home there is no dinner made, what exactly do you want the kid to do?
Early sexual activity: where are they going? Not all of them are under the bleachers. Why be here in this park honey, when your parents and mine are gone to work until six.
Teenage pregnancy: Ask any teen parent and they will tell you, they just wanted to feel love and to feel wanted. Think it’s hooey? Look it up there is over 200 studies showing that most teenage kids who end up being parents were seeking love in either the sex or the child.
Drugs: If someone is at home watching what you do, they will notice the change. Whether they choose to do something about it is a different story.
ADD, ADHD: More than half of these diagnoses are not based on biology, only on behavior deviations. Whatever is causing these changes in the behavior of children, it can be handled by parents who are involved. Involved? Yes, put your drama aside, put your work aside. Focus on the child. No wonder the child can’t focus on what he needs to do, as parents, we haven’t been able to focus either.
Will it solve all of the problems in the world if women suddenly walked out of their jobs and came home and became June Beavers? Probably not. We are in too deep. We are too committed to this new life, to this new culture that has sprung from that movement that started back in WWII.
Can we make changes? Of course.
Don’t reject your nurturing side. No, don’t sit there and coddle and become a helicopter parent or spouse. But show your love, your care, your concern, freely.
Children blossom under the direct light of love and men stand a bit taller, a bit prouder when they know they are loved and appreciated.
Don’t be afraid to be weak. Don’t be afraid to fall. It is part of our nature, of our humanity. Physically we are different from men; it stands to reason that we are also emotionally and spiritually different. Being able to show emotion is part of our strength, being able to love intensely is part of our strength.
As my mother quickly enters the third age, it becomes more and more of a struggle for our role reversal to survive, she cannot be cared for, she cannot be provided for despite the fact that she doesn’t have the same stamina as before. She does not know how to be vulnerable. So until now, she gets up and goes to work, she gets out there every day and makes things happen. But if you ask her, what she wants more than anything, it s to be around her grandkids. As you age, your hard shell disintegrates and you realize that what is really important, what really matters are the moments where you were loved, where you were soft, where you were nurtured.
I don’t know if one day she will allow herself to be soft, to be loved and be vulnerable. I have to believe she will, if there is a chance for her, then there is still a chance for all of us.
I stopped for a moment and I asked her, who pays for the ticket?
I had been to prom twice. Once to Luis’ prom and mine, in both occasions we had been each others date. I can’t remember who paid for what, so I was curious to find out how the Millenials handled this issue.
She said she really wasn’t sure, but if it was such an issue, she would pay for her own ticket. Thank you very much.
That’s my girl! Strong, independent and she makes her own way! (Two snaps up in a circle!!)
She left for school and I got ready to write on an entirely different subject and I couldn’t concentrate, finally I let my mind wander, not too long mind you, lest it wanders away forever.
I kept going back to the conversation with Victoria. I told myself that she was independent and strong and able to stand on her own two feet and needed nothing and no one to make it in this world.
The voice in my head began suddenly took on another tone and I was startled.
Honestly, I was more than startled, I was horrified; I sound just like my mother.
Not that there is anything wrong with being like my mother. I didn’t think that I was like that.
My mom is the quintessential Rosie the riveter. She is strong and she is a hard worker and she does not need a man to give her anything. Shove your home life idea because she will be out there, every day working hard and providing for her home. Remember that song, “that little frail girl can do more than a man can do”. That is my mother.
She pushed away anything that was domestic, hiring a maid for the household and enrolled us in the best schools. When my dad could not decide what he loved more if her or the bottle, she paid him off for his time in the marriage and escorted him to the door and never looked back. There was a lot more to her story with him, but suffice it to say she felt she had been able to buy her freedom.
Like my mom, my aunts are all very strong women. They knew how to work hard, how to achieve and how to be successful. They worked two and three jobs and they have even changed their brain circuitry away from the usual circles of women, to become problem solvers and linear thinkers.
Ask any of us. You have a problem? Let me help you fix it…. PLEASE!!!!!! I know so many things, I am so well trained to deal with these things, I can solve this problem for you…
We don’t actually come out and say that, but we might as well. We take over the problem and get involved , too involved.
As the next generation from the Rosies, we are out to proof ourselves just as hard workers as the previous generations and as good providers, problem solvers and go getters. We are hard.
But hold on a minute, I don’t want to be hard.
I can be all of those things without being hard. I can be strong and not hard. I can be resilient and not tough. I can be warm and loving and independent and not isolated, bitchy and cold.
Somewhere in our brains, we got it all mixed up.
The strength of a woman doesn’t come from doing everything a man can do. It comes from knowing the things that only she can do.
Yes, men and women can do anything that the opposite sex can do. Absolutely, very true, I will not refute it.
But that is if your personality is suited for it.
There is nothing worse than a man trying to be nurturing when he is not feeling it. Or a woman trying to come off as a hard-ass, when you know, that she is crying inside.
Because of the lessons that the women in my life had learnt, I was not around very nurturing women while growing up. So I had no idea how much strength derives from a woman’s love and a woman’s tenderness. How her quiet ways and indomitable faith makes her as powerful as the most impressive show of brute strength.
We thought that by being tough and strong we showed men we could be just like them. Yea!!!!
Power and strength manifest itself in different ways. Just like a tornado can rip off a tree from the roots, so can the soft wind germinate the next season’s flowers. The ten foot wave that swallows the shore is the same water that slowly erodes the rock.
Point? Fine, I will draw you a picture.
There is beauty and power in being soft, resilient and nurturing.
Women nowadays have a hard time dealing with that. Women, who still want to be cared for and loved, feel uneasy about showing these needs because they feel vulnerable. We chastise ourselves for feeling any weakness and beat our daughters when they do not show themselves as completely self assured.
We make it a point to make our boys tough, don’t cry, boys don’t cry. And girls cry but they also get up and kick the boy’s butt, don’t let him do that to you.
Being a bitch is marketed as a commendable trait and more and more you see marriages and relationships deteriorate when women take on this attitude . “Be a bitch and he will love you more”. Skinny bitch, pretty bitch, apparently being a bitch is something desirable.
As with every good thing that was taken to an extreme, a woman’s rejection of her innate nurturing side has had devastating consequences.
It is not uncommon for a mother to leave her child with a grandparent, to not feel a bond with it, to not nurture it and sometimes even mistreat it.
Don’t fly off the handle, I am not saying that this is the reason why these things happen, but follow me for just a moment.
If my mother left the house to go to work in the morning and didn’t return until late in the afternoon and I came home to an empty house and no one was there, or looked at my homework or even ate with me or showed that they cared one bean about me. Chances are that when I grow up, I will be the same way.
In relationships, in parenting, in everything.
Then this becomes ok to you, because, well your parents did this to you, and you are still here, so it must be ok, right? WRONG. Just because your parents made the mistake they did, it doesn’t mean that it’s ok for you to make it as well. Just because your parents were not aware of the consequences of their actions it doesn’t not mean that you are allowed to perpetuate them.
All of the problems that did not exist back then, can find a root at this hardening of women and their decision to walk out of their home in search of real power.
Obesity, well the kid is not buying his or her own food, and when he or she comes home there is no dinner made, what exactly do you want the kid to do?
Early sexual activity: where are they going? Not all of them are under the bleachers. Why be here in this park honey, when your parents and mine are gone to work until six.
Teenage pregnancy: Ask any teen parent and they will tell you, they just wanted to feel love and to feel wanted. Think it’s hooey? Look it up there is over 200 studies showing that most teenage kids who end up being parents were seeking love in either the sex or the child.
Drugs: If someone is at home watching what you do, they will notice the change. Whether they choose to do something about it is a different story.
ADD, ADHD: More than half of these diagnoses are not based on biology, only on behavior deviations. Whatever is causing these changes in the behavior of children, it can be handled by parents who are involved. Involved? Yes, put your drama aside, put your work aside. Focus on the child. No wonder the child can’t focus on what he needs to do, as parents, we haven’t been able to focus either.
Will it solve all of the problems in the world if women suddenly walked out of their jobs and came home and became June Beavers? Probably not. We are in too deep. We are too committed to this new life, to this new culture that has sprung from that movement that started back in WWII.
Can we make changes? Of course.
Don’t reject your nurturing side. No, don’t sit there and coddle and become a helicopter parent or spouse. But show your love, your care, your concern, freely.
Children blossom under the direct light of love and men stand a bit taller, a bit prouder when they know they are loved and appreciated.
Don’t be afraid to be weak. Don’t be afraid to fall. It is part of our nature, of our humanity. Physically we are different from men; it stands to reason that we are also emotionally and spiritually different. Being able to show emotion is part of our strength, being able to love intensely is part of our strength.
As my mother quickly enters the third age, it becomes more and more of a struggle for our role reversal to survive, she cannot be cared for, she cannot be provided for despite the fact that she doesn’t have the same stamina as before. She does not know how to be vulnerable. So until now, she gets up and goes to work, she gets out there every day and makes things happen. But if you ask her, what she wants more than anything, it s to be around her grandkids. As you age, your hard shell disintegrates and you realize that what is really important, what really matters are the moments where you were loved, where you were soft, where you were nurtured.
I don’t know if one day she will allow herself to be soft, to be loved and be vulnerable. I have to believe she will, if there is a chance for her, then there is still a chance for all of us.
A perfect little home
In the outskirts of somewhere or the other, there are 50 acres with our name on it… Don’t even try to look for it; it sits away from the road, down a happy little driveway. As you get closer to the house the tree lined driveway brings you to the little fountain we built, Tony says it’s our lucky fountain, I think he built it just so the kids can keep throwing coins in.
The gargoyles play guardian to our door, and the fishes swim in happy circles in the front pond.
The house is immense, I think it has more than 3000 square feet; it has rooms for each one of the kids. A library, a game room, a craft room and also a study, not that anyone studies in it… hahaha!!
The house was built over two hundred years ago and when we bought it, it seemed like it had been two hundred years since anyone had taken care of it.
Like someone who lovingly takes a child into his heart, we took the house into our hearts.
We have fixed other houses to live in, we once moved into this house that was so nasty, I thought I would never be able to sleep in there. But this house was different. It was beautiful; you just had to peel away the layers of dust and life the years had piled up on it.
Everyone grabbed a hammer and ripped up the floor. I called my brother and he told us what we needed to do to install hardwood floor. Little by little, we installed each floor board, we hammered in each nail. We were forced to spend time together and I can’t even begin to tell you how much money we spent on band aids and antibiotic cream. It became a competition, how much could be done in one hour; we were constantly trying to outdo one another.
Victoria worked with us every step of the way, being that she was a teenager, I thought that she would not want to be as involved, but she was there every time, hammer or paintbrush in hand, although we never gave her sharp tools, just as a precautionary measure. She has a bad history with sharp tools.
The house seemed more magnificent from one moment to the next. As we peeled off centuries of paint that had been heaped upon her to make her look better, each layer removed from her walls revealed a little more of us and our love for our work, and she grew in beauty in our eyes.
Some spots of her were too damaged, had been beyond repair and we all ran out and bought new fixtures and made this house fit us and we changed with each renovation in order to fit her.
We sanded and stained and painted each little bit of this house. We built new rooms and took down others and discovered new areas of her that we learnt to love. She had others that loved her, but they were gently reminded (birds) and others not so gently (mice) that she was ours now and we would not be taking other guests.
As we picked the colors for the rooms, we fretted like if we had been choosing a name for our child. We wanted to make sure that she was shown at her best. Sherwin Williams associates started hi-fiving each other as they saw us pull into the parking lot, nothing but the best for our lady.
Door frames were sanded and aligned again, only to discover that termites had claimed them before we did, so as we remove the door frames, we design new doors for our home, we used Damian’s drawings on the doors, a little carving and voila, custom made doors. He was beaming with pride; the house loved her new doors.
New lighting fixtures were bought and installed and the warm glow of the new chandeliers softened her up and gave us a second wind to finish our work.
Sinks and plumbing fixed; you would not believe the work in that, more than I care to comment on. Tubs taken away, we scrubbed and scrubbed and fought mold. Tile was installed and as the final battle for world dominance was fought with the caulking guns…we finished 5 bathrooms, from top to bottom. Then we had to call the plumber to fix our plumbing.
Everything went better after that. At the suggestion of the plumber we did a whole treatment and update on the septic system; I don’t care to discuss that experience. Not at all.
The deck off of the master bedroom was designed and the kids called on a strike. They adamantly stated that they would not work in an area of the house where they would never be allowed in. Tony gently reminded them that he could always take apart the game room. It is amazing how much a little persuasion can get you.
The girls took over the design of the outside. They picked out flowers and patterns for the walk ways; they took to their research and went nuts. They selected flowers that bloomed with each season and drove Tony crazy asking him questions about shade and ph levels in soil, they picked out flowers for beauty and scent and also looked for their natural environment. They wanted flowers and plants native to the area; the tulips, the lilies, the pansies, and all of the other ones will be so beautiful all year-round. Tony put in a beautiful white gazebo, surrounded by flowers and beautiful wind chimes. I heard Victoria tell Gabriela that she was getting married in that gazebo, I heard Gabriela say, me too.
As the living area was being finished, we began thinking of our barn and how we would house the animals. We would need enough space for all of them. Damian wanted goats and I have always wanted mini dexters. I know Tony wants chickens, but I am a little scared of them. I grew up in a house where cock fights was the thing for Sunday afternoons, I know what chickens can do.
We will plant our vegetables and our fruits, I love the seed catalogs, I have already researched the types of vegetable and plants that are native to the area. I cannot wait…
We pickup our dogs in another six weeks. Our Masos will be ready to come home soon and we have had to proof the yard for them. They are beautiful giants who will be a part of the family as well as work with us. Princess Gabriela wants something else, but then again, she will probably pick something little, overtly cute and completely purposeless, but it will make her happy.
Almost all of it was done, we had left the kitchen until the end because our special appliances had not arrived and we were having fun creating designs with the tile that we were installing. When suddenly, I decided that the area we had designed as a pantry area would not be large enough. So in a last minute dash, the massive washer and dryer were taken downstairs to their newly finished game room and installed opposite their WII, I said they could pretend that they were on rocket ships when the washer shook and they played Mario galaxy, four pairs of eyes glaring at me limited the rest of my comments
Finally, the laundry room was built into a walk-in pantry and the regular pantry was specially shelved for spices, yes I do own that many spices, and the appliances finally arrived and were installed.
That was our cue to move in.
The dragons came to rest in our home. (You would call them angels, we have dragons) We drove up our beautiful driveway with our little truck filled with all of the things that had made up our life. We watched with tears how everything that we owned, new and old, fit into our new home.
As we sat in the family room, with the fireplace going and everyone hooked by the hypnotic effect of the flames, we looked at one another and realized that we had not only rebuilt and renovated a home, We had left a part of ourselves within this house and when future generations came, they would know that in every nook, in every painting, in every little detail of this house is etched little bits of us, to live forever in this home.
When we found our house, she was sadly kept and not maintained at all. It takes a special love to see the potential in things. It takes a special dedication to invest so much of yourself in something and give it of your time and of yourself without thinking of a profit margin and the market value of the thing.
We built this home for ourselves, much as we have built everything in our life. A little bit of research, a lot of dedication, a little bit of muscle and whole lot of work. A little bit of finagling and a whole lot of luck. Regardless, as a genius works on a master piece, also we did not create it so much as reveal it.
A house is built with wood, cement and paint. A home is built with laughter and sweat, with stubbed toes and splinters and paint-stained pants. A home has that special corner that dad built all on his own, the flowers we planted together and the special color that made mom smile so.
A home is a little bit of you and little bit of me, it is things we have built together that create a new life and new memories. Our house was now perfect for our perfect little home.
The gargoyles play guardian to our door, and the fishes swim in happy circles in the front pond.
The house is immense, I think it has more than 3000 square feet; it has rooms for each one of the kids. A library, a game room, a craft room and also a study, not that anyone studies in it… hahaha!!
The house was built over two hundred years ago and when we bought it, it seemed like it had been two hundred years since anyone had taken care of it.
Like someone who lovingly takes a child into his heart, we took the house into our hearts.
We have fixed other houses to live in, we once moved into this house that was so nasty, I thought I would never be able to sleep in there. But this house was different. It was beautiful; you just had to peel away the layers of dust and life the years had piled up on it.
Everyone grabbed a hammer and ripped up the floor. I called my brother and he told us what we needed to do to install hardwood floor. Little by little, we installed each floor board, we hammered in each nail. We were forced to spend time together and I can’t even begin to tell you how much money we spent on band aids and antibiotic cream. It became a competition, how much could be done in one hour; we were constantly trying to outdo one another.
Victoria worked with us every step of the way, being that she was a teenager, I thought that she would not want to be as involved, but she was there every time, hammer or paintbrush in hand, although we never gave her sharp tools, just as a precautionary measure. She has a bad history with sharp tools.
The house seemed more magnificent from one moment to the next. As we peeled off centuries of paint that had been heaped upon her to make her look better, each layer removed from her walls revealed a little more of us and our love for our work, and she grew in beauty in our eyes.
Some spots of her were too damaged, had been beyond repair and we all ran out and bought new fixtures and made this house fit us and we changed with each renovation in order to fit her.
We sanded and stained and painted each little bit of this house. We built new rooms and took down others and discovered new areas of her that we learnt to love. She had others that loved her, but they were gently reminded (birds) and others not so gently (mice) that she was ours now and we would not be taking other guests.
As we picked the colors for the rooms, we fretted like if we had been choosing a name for our child. We wanted to make sure that she was shown at her best. Sherwin Williams associates started hi-fiving each other as they saw us pull into the parking lot, nothing but the best for our lady.
Door frames were sanded and aligned again, only to discover that termites had claimed them before we did, so as we remove the door frames, we design new doors for our home, we used Damian’s drawings on the doors, a little carving and voila, custom made doors. He was beaming with pride; the house loved her new doors.
New lighting fixtures were bought and installed and the warm glow of the new chandeliers softened her up and gave us a second wind to finish our work.
Sinks and plumbing fixed; you would not believe the work in that, more than I care to comment on. Tubs taken away, we scrubbed and scrubbed and fought mold. Tile was installed and as the final battle for world dominance was fought with the caulking guns…we finished 5 bathrooms, from top to bottom. Then we had to call the plumber to fix our plumbing.
Everything went better after that. At the suggestion of the plumber we did a whole treatment and update on the septic system; I don’t care to discuss that experience. Not at all.
The deck off of the master bedroom was designed and the kids called on a strike. They adamantly stated that they would not work in an area of the house where they would never be allowed in. Tony gently reminded them that he could always take apart the game room. It is amazing how much a little persuasion can get you.
The girls took over the design of the outside. They picked out flowers and patterns for the walk ways; they took to their research and went nuts. They selected flowers that bloomed with each season and drove Tony crazy asking him questions about shade and ph levels in soil, they picked out flowers for beauty and scent and also looked for their natural environment. They wanted flowers and plants native to the area; the tulips, the lilies, the pansies, and all of the other ones will be so beautiful all year-round. Tony put in a beautiful white gazebo, surrounded by flowers and beautiful wind chimes. I heard Victoria tell Gabriela that she was getting married in that gazebo, I heard Gabriela say, me too.
As the living area was being finished, we began thinking of our barn and how we would house the animals. We would need enough space for all of them. Damian wanted goats and I have always wanted mini dexters. I know Tony wants chickens, but I am a little scared of them. I grew up in a house where cock fights was the thing for Sunday afternoons, I know what chickens can do.
We will plant our vegetables and our fruits, I love the seed catalogs, I have already researched the types of vegetable and plants that are native to the area. I cannot wait…
We pickup our dogs in another six weeks. Our Masos will be ready to come home soon and we have had to proof the yard for them. They are beautiful giants who will be a part of the family as well as work with us. Princess Gabriela wants something else, but then again, she will probably pick something little, overtly cute and completely purposeless, but it will make her happy.
Almost all of it was done, we had left the kitchen until the end because our special appliances had not arrived and we were having fun creating designs with the tile that we were installing. When suddenly, I decided that the area we had designed as a pantry area would not be large enough. So in a last minute dash, the massive washer and dryer were taken downstairs to their newly finished game room and installed opposite their WII, I said they could pretend that they were on rocket ships when the washer shook and they played Mario galaxy, four pairs of eyes glaring at me limited the rest of my comments
Finally, the laundry room was built into a walk-in pantry and the regular pantry was specially shelved for spices, yes I do own that many spices, and the appliances finally arrived and were installed.
That was our cue to move in.
The dragons came to rest in our home. (You would call them angels, we have dragons) We drove up our beautiful driveway with our little truck filled with all of the things that had made up our life. We watched with tears how everything that we owned, new and old, fit into our new home.
As we sat in the family room, with the fireplace going and everyone hooked by the hypnotic effect of the flames, we looked at one another and realized that we had not only rebuilt and renovated a home, We had left a part of ourselves within this house and when future generations came, they would know that in every nook, in every painting, in every little detail of this house is etched little bits of us, to live forever in this home.
When we found our house, she was sadly kept and not maintained at all. It takes a special love to see the potential in things. It takes a special dedication to invest so much of yourself in something and give it of your time and of yourself without thinking of a profit margin and the market value of the thing.
We built this home for ourselves, much as we have built everything in our life. A little bit of research, a lot of dedication, a little bit of muscle and whole lot of work. A little bit of finagling and a whole lot of luck. Regardless, as a genius works on a master piece, also we did not create it so much as reveal it.
A house is built with wood, cement and paint. A home is built with laughter and sweat, with stubbed toes and splinters and paint-stained pants. A home has that special corner that dad built all on his own, the flowers we planted together and the special color that made mom smile so.
A home is a little bit of you and little bit of me, it is things we have built together that create a new life and new memories. Our house was now perfect for our perfect little home.
Monday, April 26, 2010
falling off the wagon
I have fallen off of the proverbial wagon. Not the diet one, I broke that one a long time ago. I have fallen off of the spiritual wagon.
At times our actions are guided by our emotions, at others, by our intellect and sometimes, by our ego. Metaphysics tell you that listening to your ego is the equivalent of a capital sin and my faux-pas was a biggie. My ego ran away from me and turned into a monster and left behind a mount of guilt and endless self-analysis that only stopped when I put pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard… well you know what I mean.
Your ego tries to convince you that you are special that you are better than others; that you are right and they are wrong. When in reality, we know that we are all one and as every other teacher that I have studied from tells us, there is the divine in all of us and we are all a part of a greater whole.
Well, in a colossal act of self-destruction, I let my ego take charge, for just an afternoon mind you, and now I feel horrible, betrayed and dirty.
What did you do that was so horrible? You may ask.
Well if you promise to keep it to yourself, I will tell you.
I stood in judgment of another person.
Oh stop it with the melodrama! It may not be horrible to you but once you do it, you take your self out of the stream of well being and well, you are left bereft of comfort and understanding, because you have denied it to yourself by denying it to others.
This isn’t an exercise in writing, this is more of a coming to terms with this action, so bear with me, I apologize in advance if the writing is a little convoluted, as it is, I am parked directly on Chaos Drive and it is going to take some fancy maneuvering to get out of this situation.
So what is so horrible about what I did?
I stood outside of a situation, I took a very few and weak facts about someone and I came to a conclusion about them and I stood in judgment and condemned their actions and their decisions. Then I recruited others to my idea and began the hateful act of murdering someone with words.
I don’t know why this person did what they did; I don’t know if this person is perhaps ignorant and did only what they knew was best. But I knew better, I knew better than to try to judge someone without walking a mile in their shoes, and even then, who am I to judge someone else.
This is not the path that I have chosen.
It was an unconscious decision really when I began to toddle along the spiritual path. It began with a book and with the constant and nagging feeling that there was more to life than what I could see. There was always a feeling of not belonging to the human race as if I knew that all that we saw with our own eyes was, not real.
Little by little, I began rebelling against many years of programmed thoughts and began asking not so much as to why, but why not and all the other questions that come to be once you get past the why. And I began to realize that there were others who were in this same path, and there was no unifying trait to all of us looking for more, except that we knew in our hearts that there is more.
I won’t try to tell you everything that encompasses living a spiritual path, even if I told you, your own path may be different and I could not dictate that, nor its contents. But I do know that there are certain truths that help me live a happier life.
I know first and foremost that we are all having an experience and that certain people choose for their experience to be a certain way or another. I also know that there is no such thing as right or wrong, that only we make something so. I know that everyone has free will to be and act and walk through this path experiencing whatever it is they want for themselves.
And I don’t know this because I read it in a book, I know it because I feel it in my bones, like I know that the ocean is large and that the sun is hot. I know it in my heart; I know it in my soul. So after more than twenty years of studying this spiritual path, you may be wondering what may have possessed me to walk away from everything that I stood for and believe in and act this way.
You are still not going to tell anyone, right?? OK, I will tell you. It was my ego; it was my desire to be special and to be better than someone else. It was my need to proof that I was right and the other person wrong.
And so I faltered and I flayed this person, I took my time and dissected this person’s character with all of my spiritual expertise and became the very thing that I had accused this person of. Mind you this person never knew what I had said, and I said it to someone inconsequential and there would be no repercussions from having said it. But I knew, I knew that even if I never tell someone that I have ill feelings for them, they will feel it, their instinct will warn them. The current that animates life itself runs through us and that at that level, there are no secrets from each other.
At first the realization wasn’t immediate; I started having a bit of indigestion. I began by getting irritated with things that don’t usually irritate me and by being impatient and ill tempered and then in a conversation that had nothing to do with the subject. It came to me. I was out of integrity and I felt disgusted with myself. I tried to rationalize, my ego is quick, but I knew, I already knew what I had done and I was so beside myself, I could not walk past a mirror for fear that person, the one who had said all those things, may be looking out at me.
I meditated on it, I prayed and then I also reached out, and although I did not get a clear answer, I knew that I had to tell you. I knew that I had to share with you, the words were bubbling over and spilling out of me and I knew that I had to sit here and tell you all about it.
Will you grant me the compassion that I failed to give that person? Will you look at me with understanding and tell me that I only made a mistake? Will I make it better because I have apologized to that person and cleaned up my mess?
Those of us that make a conscious decision to live life in awareness know that people make mistakes, know that situations sometimes can be tricky and that regardless of good intentions, sometimes, you make a decision that does not come from your highest thoughts. It is in our power and our capability to comfort those who have made the mistake and enlightened them to the fact that even despite the pebble in the way, the lesson they walk away with can be enormous.
I see the lesson. I acknowledge my error and I take responsibility for the situation and for the words that came out of my mouth and for the whole conversation that took place. I walk away totally convinced of the power of my own words against others being only against me and I pray for the wisdom to operate from that place of divinity inside all of us.
I do have the hope of another day, of a new beginning and a new opportunity to create myself anew.
Come morning, come sun, bring me another day.
Until tomorrow, Good night!
At times our actions are guided by our emotions, at others, by our intellect and sometimes, by our ego. Metaphysics tell you that listening to your ego is the equivalent of a capital sin and my faux-pas was a biggie. My ego ran away from me and turned into a monster and left behind a mount of guilt and endless self-analysis that only stopped when I put pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard… well you know what I mean.
Your ego tries to convince you that you are special that you are better than others; that you are right and they are wrong. When in reality, we know that we are all one and as every other teacher that I have studied from tells us, there is the divine in all of us and we are all a part of a greater whole.
Well, in a colossal act of self-destruction, I let my ego take charge, for just an afternoon mind you, and now I feel horrible, betrayed and dirty.
What did you do that was so horrible? You may ask.
Well if you promise to keep it to yourself, I will tell you.
I stood in judgment of another person.
Oh stop it with the melodrama! It may not be horrible to you but once you do it, you take your self out of the stream of well being and well, you are left bereft of comfort and understanding, because you have denied it to yourself by denying it to others.
This isn’t an exercise in writing, this is more of a coming to terms with this action, so bear with me, I apologize in advance if the writing is a little convoluted, as it is, I am parked directly on Chaos Drive and it is going to take some fancy maneuvering to get out of this situation.
So what is so horrible about what I did?
I stood outside of a situation, I took a very few and weak facts about someone and I came to a conclusion about them and I stood in judgment and condemned their actions and their decisions. Then I recruited others to my idea and began the hateful act of murdering someone with words.
I don’t know why this person did what they did; I don’t know if this person is perhaps ignorant and did only what they knew was best. But I knew better, I knew better than to try to judge someone without walking a mile in their shoes, and even then, who am I to judge someone else.
This is not the path that I have chosen.
It was an unconscious decision really when I began to toddle along the spiritual path. It began with a book and with the constant and nagging feeling that there was more to life than what I could see. There was always a feeling of not belonging to the human race as if I knew that all that we saw with our own eyes was, not real.
Little by little, I began rebelling against many years of programmed thoughts and began asking not so much as to why, but why not and all the other questions that come to be once you get past the why. And I began to realize that there were others who were in this same path, and there was no unifying trait to all of us looking for more, except that we knew in our hearts that there is more.
I won’t try to tell you everything that encompasses living a spiritual path, even if I told you, your own path may be different and I could not dictate that, nor its contents. But I do know that there are certain truths that help me live a happier life.
I know first and foremost that we are all having an experience and that certain people choose for their experience to be a certain way or another. I also know that there is no such thing as right or wrong, that only we make something so. I know that everyone has free will to be and act and walk through this path experiencing whatever it is they want for themselves.
And I don’t know this because I read it in a book, I know it because I feel it in my bones, like I know that the ocean is large and that the sun is hot. I know it in my heart; I know it in my soul. So after more than twenty years of studying this spiritual path, you may be wondering what may have possessed me to walk away from everything that I stood for and believe in and act this way.
You are still not going to tell anyone, right?? OK, I will tell you. It was my ego; it was my desire to be special and to be better than someone else. It was my need to proof that I was right and the other person wrong.
And so I faltered and I flayed this person, I took my time and dissected this person’s character with all of my spiritual expertise and became the very thing that I had accused this person of. Mind you this person never knew what I had said, and I said it to someone inconsequential and there would be no repercussions from having said it. But I knew, I knew that even if I never tell someone that I have ill feelings for them, they will feel it, their instinct will warn them. The current that animates life itself runs through us and that at that level, there are no secrets from each other.
At first the realization wasn’t immediate; I started having a bit of indigestion. I began by getting irritated with things that don’t usually irritate me and by being impatient and ill tempered and then in a conversation that had nothing to do with the subject. It came to me. I was out of integrity and I felt disgusted with myself. I tried to rationalize, my ego is quick, but I knew, I already knew what I had done and I was so beside myself, I could not walk past a mirror for fear that person, the one who had said all those things, may be looking out at me.
I meditated on it, I prayed and then I also reached out, and although I did not get a clear answer, I knew that I had to tell you. I knew that I had to share with you, the words were bubbling over and spilling out of me and I knew that I had to sit here and tell you all about it.
Will you grant me the compassion that I failed to give that person? Will you look at me with understanding and tell me that I only made a mistake? Will I make it better because I have apologized to that person and cleaned up my mess?
Those of us that make a conscious decision to live life in awareness know that people make mistakes, know that situations sometimes can be tricky and that regardless of good intentions, sometimes, you make a decision that does not come from your highest thoughts. It is in our power and our capability to comfort those who have made the mistake and enlightened them to the fact that even despite the pebble in the way, the lesson they walk away with can be enormous.
I see the lesson. I acknowledge my error and I take responsibility for the situation and for the words that came out of my mouth and for the whole conversation that took place. I walk away totally convinced of the power of my own words against others being only against me and I pray for the wisdom to operate from that place of divinity inside all of us.
I do have the hope of another day, of a new beginning and a new opportunity to create myself anew.
Come morning, come sun, bring me another day.
Until tomorrow, Good night!
Whole in your arms
Through the whirlwind of the day, in the madness of this moment
I walk the shadows in stealth, trying to make it home unscathed
As I find our sanctuary and I fling myself to safety
I recall what I’ve always known; I am whole in your arms
For wars will rage and people will wrath, and dreams broken will litter my path
In hate and in shallowness, in grudges and in pain
The populace walks aimlessly, firing their deadly poison
But then there is you, there is home and there is us.
In the safety of your love, in the exuberance of life
In the risk of our daily rituals, one thing remains constant
One thing keeps me alive, after the overwhelming day
I recall what I’ve always known, I; I am whole in your arms.
I walk the shadows in stealth, trying to make it home unscathed
As I find our sanctuary and I fling myself to safety
I recall what I’ve always known; I am whole in your arms
For wars will rage and people will wrath, and dreams broken will litter my path
In hate and in shallowness, in grudges and in pain
The populace walks aimlessly, firing their deadly poison
But then there is you, there is home and there is us.
In the safety of your love, in the exuberance of life
In the risk of our daily rituals, one thing remains constant
One thing keeps me alive, after the overwhelming day
I recall what I’ve always known, I; I am whole in your arms.
My dearest Child
My dearest Child:
One of these days I won’t be here. I won’t be able to hold your hand when someone has hurt your feelings, when you need someone to hear your writings or when you just need a hug.
One day my body will leave its fleshy shell and I will be no more. My spirit and my love will forever be with you, but in the midst of life, we forget that we have not been forgotten.
In those times when I am gone and you can’t hear the song of your heart, remember baby, remember, be true to yourself.
Be true to yourself and do what you feel you have to do, with integrity and with pride. Do it so that it gives you satisfaction, do it so you are happy with what you have done.
People have ideas of what they think you should be doing, saying, wearing and even eating; but you have your inner compass and only it leads you to happiness and fulfillment.
Happiness is not a period of time; it is moments that strung together remind you why you get up everyday and why you do what you do.
Each person is its own universe. Not that they are that deep, but that they have their own notions based on their own experiences and there is nothing you can do to change them, they are a result of what they have been through.
Every relationship you have is a reflection of who you are and how you see yourself. Honor the person that brings you that awareness but realize that you also serve the same function in their life. We are mirrors into each other’s soul.
When you fall on your knees, and you will, remember that it does not matter how many times you fall, but how many times you get up. And that in life, it’s about being IN the game, not watching it from the sidelines, but in the thick of things, living the experience to the fullest.
Don’t fool yourself my love, despite it all, I am always with you, you only need to think of me to bring me close to you, to feel my love surrounding you, to know that I have never left you.
Smile child, death is not an end. Nothing has an end, you are never finished. Life is continuous and never ending. Even if you make mistakes, you can fix them, no matter what you do, there is always tomorrow and tomorrow comes full of opportunities and possibilities to create yourself anew. Don’t despair, you cannot see the path unfold before you, but trust me, heart of mine, there is a reason, and there is a way.
The answer to all of your questions is you. You, you, you, always you. It matters not what others do, think or say. They will fall or rise by their own doing. It matters what you do, think or say; you will succeed or not, based on your own steps, your own decisions. Your happiness comes from you, so does your pain and misery.
I love you, never forget it, never doubt it and for even in the darkest moment of your life, you are beautiful, and you are perfect in my eyes. Never will you be any less, never could I love you any less, for I love you with eyes of love and in love everything is perfection. The flaws that you see are not real; the faults you create don’t exist. Be kind to others, but above all, be kind to yourself, love yourself, for the most important relationship you have is with you.
When I am no longer here child, take a look around you, I am in all the things that you love; in the wind that caresses you, in the sun that warms your skin, in the soft rain that falls, in the calls of birds in spring. Don’t forget, I am not gone, look inside, I am always there, I am the whispers of your heart reminding you to smile, I am the subtle rocking that comforts your sorrows away, I am warmth that creeps into your day.
NO matter where my spirit goes, I will always be around, as a cloud in the heavens, as a flame in the dark, from very far or closer than you think, I will always be with you child of my heart, child of my soul, I love you forevermore…
One of these days I won’t be here. I won’t be able to hold your hand when someone has hurt your feelings, when you need someone to hear your writings or when you just need a hug.
One day my body will leave its fleshy shell and I will be no more. My spirit and my love will forever be with you, but in the midst of life, we forget that we have not been forgotten.
In those times when I am gone and you can’t hear the song of your heart, remember baby, remember, be true to yourself.
Be true to yourself and do what you feel you have to do, with integrity and with pride. Do it so that it gives you satisfaction, do it so you are happy with what you have done.
People have ideas of what they think you should be doing, saying, wearing and even eating; but you have your inner compass and only it leads you to happiness and fulfillment.
Happiness is not a period of time; it is moments that strung together remind you why you get up everyday and why you do what you do.
Each person is its own universe. Not that they are that deep, but that they have their own notions based on their own experiences and there is nothing you can do to change them, they are a result of what they have been through.
Every relationship you have is a reflection of who you are and how you see yourself. Honor the person that brings you that awareness but realize that you also serve the same function in their life. We are mirrors into each other’s soul.
When you fall on your knees, and you will, remember that it does not matter how many times you fall, but how many times you get up. And that in life, it’s about being IN the game, not watching it from the sidelines, but in the thick of things, living the experience to the fullest.
Don’t fool yourself my love, despite it all, I am always with you, you only need to think of me to bring me close to you, to feel my love surrounding you, to know that I have never left you.
Smile child, death is not an end. Nothing has an end, you are never finished. Life is continuous and never ending. Even if you make mistakes, you can fix them, no matter what you do, there is always tomorrow and tomorrow comes full of opportunities and possibilities to create yourself anew. Don’t despair, you cannot see the path unfold before you, but trust me, heart of mine, there is a reason, and there is a way.
The answer to all of your questions is you. You, you, you, always you. It matters not what others do, think or say. They will fall or rise by their own doing. It matters what you do, think or say; you will succeed or not, based on your own steps, your own decisions. Your happiness comes from you, so does your pain and misery.
I love you, never forget it, never doubt it and for even in the darkest moment of your life, you are beautiful, and you are perfect in my eyes. Never will you be any less, never could I love you any less, for I love you with eyes of love and in love everything is perfection. The flaws that you see are not real; the faults you create don’t exist. Be kind to others, but above all, be kind to yourself, love yourself, for the most important relationship you have is with you.
When I am no longer here child, take a look around you, I am in all the things that you love; in the wind that caresses you, in the sun that warms your skin, in the soft rain that falls, in the calls of birds in spring. Don’t forget, I am not gone, look inside, I am always there, I am the whispers of your heart reminding you to smile, I am the subtle rocking that comforts your sorrows away, I am warmth that creeps into your day.
NO matter where my spirit goes, I will always be around, as a cloud in the heavens, as a flame in the dark, from very far or closer than you think, I will always be with you child of my heart, child of my soul, I love you forevermore…
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Social Networking
I have 176 friends in Facebook. Well, I had. Mind you, they weren’t just friends; they were relatives, people I usually stalk
(Yes, I am a stalker… Hello, my name is Claudia and I am a stalker….)
Back to subject at hand, people I admire, people I support, a plethora of people from all over the world.
Facebook is a wonderful thing. Social networking had broadened our horizons and has allowed us to reach out and touch people who would have otherwise disappeared from our life. AT&T never had it so good. Even people who you have never spoken to before got a chance to get to know you, on the computer and some people found their support system in the people who came looking at their status and their page on a regular basis.
Even games like Mafia wars and farmsville provide the premises for team work and cooperation from unlikely groups and create a sense of community. My neighbors, my mafia… you know, my people.
As if that wasn’t good enough, social networking allowed us an outlet for expression. We looked for witty quotes, funny sayings or just a chance to simply blurt out whatever was in our minds, others comment on it, it is interaction with others, as defined by the 21st century.
MySpace, Facebook and Twitter are available to you everywhere, and I mean that literally. If you have one of those nifty blackberry phones, you could be on the porcelain throne and update your status, some people have done it…
You see, and that’s when I think facebook becomes something negative.
Being able to reconnect with friends and family is all good. Seeing how people have changed and how their lives turned out is amazing, some people have changed radically, others are still the same as almost twenty years ago. Social networking permits us, again, to make connections that would never have happened.
But what if they weren’t supposed to happen?
There were 170+ friends on my facebook, I spoke to them initially and it was great, new things to discover about old friends and the joy of discovering the old ones gave us a sense of recognition, as part of us acknowledged par t of them. Sometimes it did not even go that far, sometimes it was the first message and the emotion never sparked, there was no excitement in the reconnection, it was only the satisfaction of having found someone else, (now you understand how a stalker feels). Some of them, I didn’t even greet, I just accepted their request and it didn’t make a difference, one way or another.
However, if you were to go back and look at my page, you would realize that it was only the same people, over and over who went back to my page. My circle, my friends. As I constantly kept up with their status, so did they come and look at mine, we commented back and forth and it was just another way of strengthening something that was already there.
With others though, there is no real connection. Not that you would expect it to be, but in an age when computers and smart phones have taken over our communications, it is really easy to delegate our commitment to others to a few text messages. It is really easy to become engrossed in other drama or even become hooked to the interaction in posts or games. We do this, I have done this and I have forgotten something much more important.
The human factor.
As humans, we relish interaction. We need someone to talk to, to talk at us, with us, around us. Aside from talking we need to be touched, it has been proven in countless of studies that human beings need to be touched, a hug, a pat on the back, even a shoulder to cry one. All of these things are intrinsically coded into ourselves and without it, WE know, we know that despite the connection, it is not the same.
Things are lost in facebook; the love someone can convey to another cannot be fully expressed to one another through a post on a social network site. People post things on each others status and the misunderstandings and Drama it creates is enough to give the Hallmark channel enough fodder for the next millennia. And the number of people willing to air their dirty laundry is appalling.
Because we make posts onto the computer, we allow ourselves to say things that we would never have the courage to say to each others faces. It is so much easier to be cruel, sarcastic and plain rude on a computer. It is so much easier to take whatever someone has posted on their status or used as their flair and take offense from that. We are a narcissistic society, we believe that everything others do or say has something to do or is caused by us. We react to it and thus more hurt feelings, more misunderstanding.
Many times, social networking can create exclusion towards one another.
You know the person is on, they updated their status. You know they were on for a while, their farm was fertilized. They have been on regularly; their fence around their farm is finished.
But there was never any effort in contact. Not a comment, not a word. Never.
When you actually meet, there is that whole routine about missing you, about wishing for more time to spend together, for more interaction, for more, more, more…
And then you realize, the people who are not part of your immediate circle are not there by choice.
When a relationship is good and it flows, it flows everywhere and anywhere. It grows and it is nourished by all things that you do. It may take time, but it is time given unconditionally. It may take some nurturing, but it is nurturing that enriches the giver and the receiver. When feelings are hurt, there is compassion and understanding that together you can make things right and there is even space, to think things away from each other, only to come back and share them.
You may have a thousand facebook friends, but how many of them are real friends?
Many of you will think that I am insane, that EVERYONE knows that facebook is a tool; it is just something fun that you do. That there are no feelings involved and others actions and interactions do not affect you. For the other 99% of the population, social networking is great but it is also an empty shell.
The 3000 friends on your profile will post on your account, like your status and even help you kill the idiot who attacked you on the five minutes it took to get you home from work. But when stuff hits the fan, it is only a precious few that will give you a hand to stand back up.
Many understand, in theory, the true distinction between friends and facebook friends. But many act otherwise. They are on facebook in the morning while they drink their coffee, at work during their break, in the afternoon while dinner defrosts in the microwave and right before bed and every other time in between.
Social networking has created a shift in our day to day routines. We look incessantly to see if someone has commented to our status, if someone responded to our message or to see if our meal is ready in café world.
The internet alone is considered to be one of the biggest timesinks of our time, but facebook users have surpassed that by far. In studies it was found that people who have facebook will spend 3 times the amount of time online than they do visiting all other websites, combined. That means that if you were usually a ten-minute- check in and check out kind of person, if you are a facebook user, you spend up to 30 minutes a day on social networking.
Then people wonder why we are an obese and out of shape nation!!!
There are so many things that you could be doing in those 30 minutes.
You can exercise, you can finish that to-do list, you could read a really good book, you could meditate, you could play with your kids, make love to your spouse, create a new playlist on your ipod, or you could call that someone who is important to you and tell them how much they mean to you. The possibilities are endless.
The internet has eroded our social skills. Our kids are growing up to accept virtual relationships as a given, the art of socializing with actual people is being lost. Our ability to read body language, to develop and cultivate friendships, all of that is becoming something of the past. What’s more, people all over the world are becoming aware of a sense of emptiness inside of us, a sense of disconnection that something is missing. I can assure you it is not that you are missing another car or another gadget, you are missing interpersonal relationships, and you are missing the warmth of another human being.
The technological advances are wonderful. We have become a global community and we are able to reach information a million times faster than generations before, but I don’t think that we were supposed to sacrifice one knowledge for another. We were not supposed to lose that sense of REAL community, of family, of real friends, of real people. We are hyper busy, we are constantly doing things and going places, our time is sacred, what should you be spending your time on?
Time is what we have, we can have more money, more friends, more everything, but time given away never comes back to us.
NEVER.
(Yes, I am a stalker… Hello, my name is Claudia and I am a stalker….)
Back to subject at hand, people I admire, people I support, a plethora of people from all over the world.
Facebook is a wonderful thing. Social networking had broadened our horizons and has allowed us to reach out and touch people who would have otherwise disappeared from our life. AT&T never had it so good. Even people who you have never spoken to before got a chance to get to know you, on the computer and some people found their support system in the people who came looking at their status and their page on a regular basis.
Even games like Mafia wars and farmsville provide the premises for team work and cooperation from unlikely groups and create a sense of community. My neighbors, my mafia… you know, my people.
As if that wasn’t good enough, social networking allowed us an outlet for expression. We looked for witty quotes, funny sayings or just a chance to simply blurt out whatever was in our minds, others comment on it, it is interaction with others, as defined by the 21st century.
MySpace, Facebook and Twitter are available to you everywhere, and I mean that literally. If you have one of those nifty blackberry phones, you could be on the porcelain throne and update your status, some people have done it…
You see, and that’s when I think facebook becomes something negative.
Being able to reconnect with friends and family is all good. Seeing how people have changed and how their lives turned out is amazing, some people have changed radically, others are still the same as almost twenty years ago. Social networking permits us, again, to make connections that would never have happened.
But what if they weren’t supposed to happen?
There were 170+ friends on my facebook, I spoke to them initially and it was great, new things to discover about old friends and the joy of discovering the old ones gave us a sense of recognition, as part of us acknowledged par t of them. Sometimes it did not even go that far, sometimes it was the first message and the emotion never sparked, there was no excitement in the reconnection, it was only the satisfaction of having found someone else, (now you understand how a stalker feels). Some of them, I didn’t even greet, I just accepted their request and it didn’t make a difference, one way or another.
However, if you were to go back and look at my page, you would realize that it was only the same people, over and over who went back to my page. My circle, my friends. As I constantly kept up with their status, so did they come and look at mine, we commented back and forth and it was just another way of strengthening something that was already there.
With others though, there is no real connection. Not that you would expect it to be, but in an age when computers and smart phones have taken over our communications, it is really easy to delegate our commitment to others to a few text messages. It is really easy to become engrossed in other drama or even become hooked to the interaction in posts or games. We do this, I have done this and I have forgotten something much more important.
The human factor.
As humans, we relish interaction. We need someone to talk to, to talk at us, with us, around us. Aside from talking we need to be touched, it has been proven in countless of studies that human beings need to be touched, a hug, a pat on the back, even a shoulder to cry one. All of these things are intrinsically coded into ourselves and without it, WE know, we know that despite the connection, it is not the same.
Things are lost in facebook; the love someone can convey to another cannot be fully expressed to one another through a post on a social network site. People post things on each others status and the misunderstandings and Drama it creates is enough to give the Hallmark channel enough fodder for the next millennia. And the number of people willing to air their dirty laundry is appalling.
Because we make posts onto the computer, we allow ourselves to say things that we would never have the courage to say to each others faces. It is so much easier to be cruel, sarcastic and plain rude on a computer. It is so much easier to take whatever someone has posted on their status or used as their flair and take offense from that. We are a narcissistic society, we believe that everything others do or say has something to do or is caused by us. We react to it and thus more hurt feelings, more misunderstanding.
Many times, social networking can create exclusion towards one another.
You know the person is on, they updated their status. You know they were on for a while, their farm was fertilized. They have been on regularly; their fence around their farm is finished.
But there was never any effort in contact. Not a comment, not a word. Never.
When you actually meet, there is that whole routine about missing you, about wishing for more time to spend together, for more interaction, for more, more, more…
And then you realize, the people who are not part of your immediate circle are not there by choice.
When a relationship is good and it flows, it flows everywhere and anywhere. It grows and it is nourished by all things that you do. It may take time, but it is time given unconditionally. It may take some nurturing, but it is nurturing that enriches the giver and the receiver. When feelings are hurt, there is compassion and understanding that together you can make things right and there is even space, to think things away from each other, only to come back and share them.
You may have a thousand facebook friends, but how many of them are real friends?
Many of you will think that I am insane, that EVERYONE knows that facebook is a tool; it is just something fun that you do. That there are no feelings involved and others actions and interactions do not affect you. For the other 99% of the population, social networking is great but it is also an empty shell.
The 3000 friends on your profile will post on your account, like your status and even help you kill the idiot who attacked you on the five minutes it took to get you home from work. But when stuff hits the fan, it is only a precious few that will give you a hand to stand back up.
Many understand, in theory, the true distinction between friends and facebook friends. But many act otherwise. They are on facebook in the morning while they drink their coffee, at work during their break, in the afternoon while dinner defrosts in the microwave and right before bed and every other time in between.
Social networking has created a shift in our day to day routines. We look incessantly to see if someone has commented to our status, if someone responded to our message or to see if our meal is ready in café world.
The internet alone is considered to be one of the biggest timesinks of our time, but facebook users have surpassed that by far. In studies it was found that people who have facebook will spend 3 times the amount of time online than they do visiting all other websites, combined. That means that if you were usually a ten-minute- check in and check out kind of person, if you are a facebook user, you spend up to 30 minutes a day on social networking.
Then people wonder why we are an obese and out of shape nation!!!
There are so many things that you could be doing in those 30 minutes.
You can exercise, you can finish that to-do list, you could read a really good book, you could meditate, you could play with your kids, make love to your spouse, create a new playlist on your ipod, or you could call that someone who is important to you and tell them how much they mean to you. The possibilities are endless.
The internet has eroded our social skills. Our kids are growing up to accept virtual relationships as a given, the art of socializing with actual people is being lost. Our ability to read body language, to develop and cultivate friendships, all of that is becoming something of the past. What’s more, people all over the world are becoming aware of a sense of emptiness inside of us, a sense of disconnection that something is missing. I can assure you it is not that you are missing another car or another gadget, you are missing interpersonal relationships, and you are missing the warmth of another human being.
The technological advances are wonderful. We have become a global community and we are able to reach information a million times faster than generations before, but I don’t think that we were supposed to sacrifice one knowledge for another. We were not supposed to lose that sense of REAL community, of family, of real friends, of real people. We are hyper busy, we are constantly doing things and going places, our time is sacred, what should you be spending your time on?
Time is what we have, we can have more money, more friends, more everything, but time given away never comes back to us.
NEVER.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Secret
Shhhhh. Listen very carefully. This is top secret, not many are being trusted with this information, but we have been watching you and we believe that you can handle it… you can handle it right???
Ready??
Are you sure???
Ok, here it is…
You know The secret??? The one with on TV, at the book stores, from that lady in Australia???
It’s not a secret… It has been around forever. The first time it was introduced to the populace was through Napoleon Hill’s “Think and Grow Rich” published back in 1937. Seth talked about it through Jane Roberts in the 70s and Jerry and Esther Hicks reintroduced it with the teachings of Abraham. It is talked about in quantum physics. Yes, quantum physics… you know??? Einstein… And it is brought up in churches all around the world, you have heard of it,... the power of prayer, yeah...
I love the new buzz around the law of attraction. Everyone has discovered the Secret and with it they have the key to open the up the treasures that the world holds.
Whoa!!!! Hold the Indiana Jones music and pay close attention…
IT’S NOT EXACTLY LIKE THAT!!!!
You are not going to make a list a put it under your pillow and then get it…
Well, it is like that, but it’s not…. Hang on… Let’s create clarity!!
The law of attraction, which the Secret is based off of, says that you will get that which your heart desires…
NOPE!! Read again…
The Law of Attraction says: That which is like unto itself, is drawn… In English, if you please???
Like magnets, the law of attraction brings into your life what you are thinking, what you are talking about and mostly what you are feeling.
Everything you think about, you talk about, especially, everything you feel… manifests itself.
Like little grains suspended in the atmosphere, your thoughts, words and feelings attract what you are expressing.
I want a million dollars *BINK*
Not that kind of expression… your innermost expression, your emotions.
Whatever you end up saying or feeling ends up coming through in your manifestation.
So you must get clear about your thoughts, about your feelings. You must address them with integrity and clarity in order to bring about that which you really want. You can’t wish for John, down at the corner, to fall in love with you. The law of attraction says that everyone has free will and you may not impose upon them.
You also can’t pretend or try to fake out the law of attraction. Again, it is based on emotions as well. So if you are wishing that you had a better relationship with your coworker, you can’t be calling her a bitch behind her back. Because what will manifest are your feelings of animosity.
So, you have to get clear.
Clarity is achieved with honesty and integrity. Clarity is what leads you on a never ending path of self-discovery, because just as sure as you discover what you want, you discover why you wanted it and suddenly another desire is borne out of that new knowledge.
However, I must advise you. With great power comes great responsibility. No, it’s not just an interesting line from Spiderman; it is also a truism. If you are ready to create a world of riches and the fabulous life that you deserve, and you certainly deserve it, you must take responsibility for everything that has happened to you.
Everything??? Yes! Everything.
I am in an unhappy marriage. My husband doesn’t make me happy!!! Nope, you make yourself happy.
I hate my job, my boss hates me, that’s why I can’t be promoted, if I was I would be making so much more money!!! Nope, you have to take responsibility; you either work with your boss or move on elsewhere. You live the misery daily because you choose to.
My mother hates me; she treats me like if I was still a little child! Nope, you allow your mother to treat you so.
There are too many examples to list here and some that I myself don’t understand. However, I do know that in order to create and manifest and build that wonderful life you deserve, you have to be empowered and to be empowered, you have to take responsibility and to take responsibility, you must look at yourself honestly and see why you did what you did and where you deviated from the path you had dreamed for yourself.
Well, I don’t believe in the law of attraction, Claudia.
That’s ok. The law of attraction does not require that you believe in it. The law of attraction can be seen at work all over the world, subtle and discreet way. Have you ever spent all morning thinking about a person and end up running into them or they call you that morning??? Law of attraction in action!!! Unbeknown to its users, the law of attraction has been around forever. This means that prayer, wishing in front of a well, and rubbing the Buddha’s belly when you walk past it, yep, it’s all connected.
If you were to make a chart of all religions and all methods of faith, you will realize that they all include some form of “faith” and believe in your thoughts and deeds.
Now, I am not here to lecture you in how to use the law of attraction or how to manifest, much less what you should be manifesting about.
I am here to tell you that this tremendously powerful tool has been around forever. No one recently discovered it. It is not a secret. People have had their prayers granted for millennia and it has been called by just about every other name that you can think of.
When the televangelist tells you that he has healed someone off the coast of Papua New Guinea, he is absolutely right. That is called concert manifestation. It is two people working through belief (read faith) and creating a result. The bible says “For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them." Matthew 18:15-20. The bible can be interpreted that where they are gathered physically, but people gather spiritually too. Just think of the emotions you felt and solidarity that 9/11 evoked. Think of the feelings the aftermath of the earthquake in Haiti created in all of us. It spurred people into action and a new sense of nationalism was born in the United States and help has flocked to Haiti.
So, if all of us together, working together can create these moments, out of the emotions that we feel en masse, what can we create on an individual level? The possibilities are boundless.
Don’t believe me? I challenge you
This is a game that I played with my best friend years ago. And whenever someone is open to it, I always challenge them too. This is your chance.
On a piece of paper, write ten things you want. But write them in the present tense, as if they had already come to you.
Fold the paper put it in your wallet, in your purse, or whatever it is you take with you all the time.
When you have an extra few minutes, think about your paper; think about how your life will be changed when those ten wishes come true and how much you will enjoy them.
I guarantee you that in a year, half of your list will have come true and whatever didn’t come true, you ended up discovering you didn’t really want.
But, there is a trick, you have to believe. Don’t believe in me. Believe in the feelings and emotions that come up when you think about all your wishes having come true. They are the motor that will make your wishes come to you. You will have manifested them. Your prayers will have been answered. Nirvana within your reach.
Happy Manifesting!!
Namaste
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Jesus Christ
“All that we are is the result of what we have thought.” -Buddha.
“Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.” Khalil Gibran
(For continued reading about the law of attraction, I recommend reading books by Dr. Wayne Dyer, Abraham Hicks and the works of Seth and of course, the teachings of Jesus Christ!!!)
Ready??
Are you sure???
Ok, here it is…
You know The secret??? The one with on TV, at the book stores, from that lady in Australia???
It’s not a secret… It has been around forever. The first time it was introduced to the populace was through Napoleon Hill’s “Think and Grow Rich” published back in 1937. Seth talked about it through Jane Roberts in the 70s and Jerry and Esther Hicks reintroduced it with the teachings of Abraham. It is talked about in quantum physics. Yes, quantum physics… you know??? Einstein… And it is brought up in churches all around the world, you have heard of it,... the power of prayer, yeah...
I love the new buzz around the law of attraction. Everyone has discovered the Secret and with it they have the key to open the up the treasures that the world holds.
Whoa!!!! Hold the Indiana Jones music and pay close attention…
IT’S NOT EXACTLY LIKE THAT!!!!
You are not going to make a list a put it under your pillow and then get it…
Well, it is like that, but it’s not…. Hang on… Let’s create clarity!!
The law of attraction, which the Secret is based off of, says that you will get that which your heart desires…
NOPE!! Read again…
The Law of Attraction says: That which is like unto itself, is drawn… In English, if you please???
Like magnets, the law of attraction brings into your life what you are thinking, what you are talking about and mostly what you are feeling.
Everything you think about, you talk about, especially, everything you feel… manifests itself.
Like little grains suspended in the atmosphere, your thoughts, words and feelings attract what you are expressing.
I want a million dollars *BINK*
Not that kind of expression… your innermost expression, your emotions.
Whatever you end up saying or feeling ends up coming through in your manifestation.
So you must get clear about your thoughts, about your feelings. You must address them with integrity and clarity in order to bring about that which you really want. You can’t wish for John, down at the corner, to fall in love with you. The law of attraction says that everyone has free will and you may not impose upon them.
You also can’t pretend or try to fake out the law of attraction. Again, it is based on emotions as well. So if you are wishing that you had a better relationship with your coworker, you can’t be calling her a bitch behind her back. Because what will manifest are your feelings of animosity.
So, you have to get clear.
Clarity is achieved with honesty and integrity. Clarity is what leads you on a never ending path of self-discovery, because just as sure as you discover what you want, you discover why you wanted it and suddenly another desire is borne out of that new knowledge.
However, I must advise you. With great power comes great responsibility. No, it’s not just an interesting line from Spiderman; it is also a truism. If you are ready to create a world of riches and the fabulous life that you deserve, and you certainly deserve it, you must take responsibility for everything that has happened to you.
Everything??? Yes! Everything.
I am in an unhappy marriage. My husband doesn’t make me happy!!! Nope, you make yourself happy.
I hate my job, my boss hates me, that’s why I can’t be promoted, if I was I would be making so much more money!!! Nope, you have to take responsibility; you either work with your boss or move on elsewhere. You live the misery daily because you choose to.
My mother hates me; she treats me like if I was still a little child! Nope, you allow your mother to treat you so.
There are too many examples to list here and some that I myself don’t understand. However, I do know that in order to create and manifest and build that wonderful life you deserve, you have to be empowered and to be empowered, you have to take responsibility and to take responsibility, you must look at yourself honestly and see why you did what you did and where you deviated from the path you had dreamed for yourself.
Well, I don’t believe in the law of attraction, Claudia.
That’s ok. The law of attraction does not require that you believe in it. The law of attraction can be seen at work all over the world, subtle and discreet way. Have you ever spent all morning thinking about a person and end up running into them or they call you that morning??? Law of attraction in action!!! Unbeknown to its users, the law of attraction has been around forever. This means that prayer, wishing in front of a well, and rubbing the Buddha’s belly when you walk past it, yep, it’s all connected.
If you were to make a chart of all religions and all methods of faith, you will realize that they all include some form of “faith” and believe in your thoughts and deeds.
Now, I am not here to lecture you in how to use the law of attraction or how to manifest, much less what you should be manifesting about.
I am here to tell you that this tremendously powerful tool has been around forever. No one recently discovered it. It is not a secret. People have had their prayers granted for millennia and it has been called by just about every other name that you can think of.
When the televangelist tells you that he has healed someone off the coast of Papua New Guinea, he is absolutely right. That is called concert manifestation. It is two people working through belief (read faith) and creating a result. The bible says “For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them." Matthew 18:15-20. The bible can be interpreted that where they are gathered physically, but people gather spiritually too. Just think of the emotions you felt and solidarity that 9/11 evoked. Think of the feelings the aftermath of the earthquake in Haiti created in all of us. It spurred people into action and a new sense of nationalism was born in the United States and help has flocked to Haiti.
So, if all of us together, working together can create these moments, out of the emotions that we feel en masse, what can we create on an individual level? The possibilities are boundless.
Don’t believe me? I challenge you
This is a game that I played with my best friend years ago. And whenever someone is open to it, I always challenge them too. This is your chance.
On a piece of paper, write ten things you want. But write them in the present tense, as if they had already come to you.
Fold the paper put it in your wallet, in your purse, or whatever it is you take with you all the time.
When you have an extra few minutes, think about your paper; think about how your life will be changed when those ten wishes come true and how much you will enjoy them.
I guarantee you that in a year, half of your list will have come true and whatever didn’t come true, you ended up discovering you didn’t really want.
But, there is a trick, you have to believe. Don’t believe in me. Believe in the feelings and emotions that come up when you think about all your wishes having come true. They are the motor that will make your wishes come to you. You will have manifested them. Your prayers will have been answered. Nirvana within your reach.
Happy Manifesting!!
Namaste
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Jesus Christ
“All that we are is the result of what we have thought.” -Buddha.
“Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.” Khalil Gibran
(For continued reading about the law of attraction, I recommend reading books by Dr. Wayne Dyer, Abraham Hicks and the works of Seth and of course, the teachings of Jesus Christ!!!)
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Facebook and Relationships
People come in and out of your life. It is a process, a general occurrence and it does not reflect ill on you or the person making their exit, it is just expired time together. Life pulls you down different pathways and well, you walk away from each other.
Most people move on, most people are ok with this and shrug it off to life being life and well, you just deal with it.
But it doesn’t have to be so anymore. Facebook helps you reach into corners of the world where you thought you would never go back to. You reconnect with people whom you thought were long gone from your life and through the computer and a little voyeurism, you can instantly create an artificial intimacy (technology).
What happens when you reach out to someone who does not reach back?
What happens to that friend’s request? Does that person ignore it? Does it mean that they are glad that you are out of their life? Do the memories that live in your mind; are they not the same for the other person? Why have they not accepted you? Perhaps they didn’t get your request? Perhaps they did get it and seeing it did not evoke the same feelings in them as they did in you. Perhaps they have indeed moved on and see no more room for you in their life. Perhaps they cannot reconcile the person they were with the person they are and you are just a reminder of that. Perhaps, well, we could speculate until the end of time and we will never know.
Truth is that Facebook allows us to be a bit more impersonal when it comes to the end of these relationships. But in reality the stream of life brings people in and out of your path, constantly.
Relationships are extremely difficult. It is at the very least an exchange and if both people have not achieved and fulfilled the purpose of that relationship, you may find yourself dragging it out for a long time.
At times only words need to be exchanged to achieve closure, at times only goodbyes need to be said and sometimes, some of us, only want acknowledgement.
Even in families, there are branches that don’t connect to one another and despite efforts to create cohesiveness; you cannot force something that is not there, that doesn’t naturally grow there.
A relationship cannot be coerced into being when it doesn’t flow. If you don’t like your aunt Bertha, chances are you wont be very close to her, you might love her, but you wont feel that closeness. And then there are those that inspire in you more and they are not even blood relationships. They are people who came into your path and became the support system that you desired and they are now an integral part of your life.
There are no rules when it comes to this.
We wish for love to flow with our relatives, with our close friends. Sometimes even siblings are not very close. And we think that it should not be so, that we should count on each other and that we should love each other and be there for one another. And sometimes that does happen. My sister was one of the closest friends that I ever had, and I was honored when she called me her best friend. However, there are times when my mother’s personality and mine crash and it is better not to talk to each other because communication has broken down.
There are some people who are unable to create very many relationships and the ones that they do build, run very deeply. There are also those that have millions of friends and no one who is really close enough.
In a world with as diverse individuals as we are, the ways and shapes of relationships all depend on the people who are involved in it. Making a relationship work is WORK. It takes honesty and compassion and patience and forgiveness and willingness to see the person not with the critical eyes of logic, but with the accepting eyes of love.
When a relationship is important to you, you put the relationship’s needs above your own needs. You understand that like a living organism, the relationship requires your love and continuous nurturing. That it is a meeting of equals and sometimes, requires that you only lovingly listen or put a loving arm around someone, when they are down and out. A relationship does not ask that problems be solved; it only asks that you stand fast in the face of the storm. It does not ask of you that which you would not willingly give. It has limits and boundaries but those are only set in order for the relationship to grow, not to change, mold or hinder the people involved.
And for all the differences in relationships, the most important concept is that if it’s ok with you, then it’s ok. You define the parameters of your relationship; you define the hows, wheres and whys, no one else. There is no rule book that you must follow. As with all relationships, the way it flows is entirely up to you. You are there to fulfill the purpose of you and the other person in it. No one else needs to be satisfied by this relationship (unless there are children and that is something else).
There are no rights or wrongs in relationships as long as all willing partners accept the circumstances. There is no one who can define a relationship for another nor can you demand a relationship of another, it is made of equals amount of love and respect and a healthy and generous portion of independence. Because in order for relationships to grow, they must be free.
So as you reach out for that person whom you had a personal relationship with, or someone with whom you are supposed to have an excellent relationship with, remember that relationships happen, they are not made or demanded. They are one of your greatest desires fulfilled, because as humans we want love and support.
Facebook, MySpace, emails, texts, skype and all the other technology are only tools. It is up to you to.
If you are involved in a relationship and you feel that the other person is not an equal or is not equally invested in the relationship and you have tried talking to them to no avail, then walk away. Sometimes the best relationship is the one you let go.
“ Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” GALATIANS 6: 7-9 (KJV)
Most people move on, most people are ok with this and shrug it off to life being life and well, you just deal with it.
But it doesn’t have to be so anymore. Facebook helps you reach into corners of the world where you thought you would never go back to. You reconnect with people whom you thought were long gone from your life and through the computer and a little voyeurism, you can instantly create an artificial intimacy (technology).
What happens when you reach out to someone who does not reach back?
What happens to that friend’s request? Does that person ignore it? Does it mean that they are glad that you are out of their life? Do the memories that live in your mind; are they not the same for the other person? Why have they not accepted you? Perhaps they didn’t get your request? Perhaps they did get it and seeing it did not evoke the same feelings in them as they did in you. Perhaps they have indeed moved on and see no more room for you in their life. Perhaps they cannot reconcile the person they were with the person they are and you are just a reminder of that. Perhaps, well, we could speculate until the end of time and we will never know.
Truth is that Facebook allows us to be a bit more impersonal when it comes to the end of these relationships. But in reality the stream of life brings people in and out of your path, constantly.
Relationships are extremely difficult. It is at the very least an exchange and if both people have not achieved and fulfilled the purpose of that relationship, you may find yourself dragging it out for a long time.
At times only words need to be exchanged to achieve closure, at times only goodbyes need to be said and sometimes, some of us, only want acknowledgement.
Even in families, there are branches that don’t connect to one another and despite efforts to create cohesiveness; you cannot force something that is not there, that doesn’t naturally grow there.
A relationship cannot be coerced into being when it doesn’t flow. If you don’t like your aunt Bertha, chances are you wont be very close to her, you might love her, but you wont feel that closeness. And then there are those that inspire in you more and they are not even blood relationships. They are people who came into your path and became the support system that you desired and they are now an integral part of your life.
There are no rules when it comes to this.
We wish for love to flow with our relatives, with our close friends. Sometimes even siblings are not very close. And we think that it should not be so, that we should count on each other and that we should love each other and be there for one another. And sometimes that does happen. My sister was one of the closest friends that I ever had, and I was honored when she called me her best friend. However, there are times when my mother’s personality and mine crash and it is better not to talk to each other because communication has broken down.
There are some people who are unable to create very many relationships and the ones that they do build, run very deeply. There are also those that have millions of friends and no one who is really close enough.
In a world with as diverse individuals as we are, the ways and shapes of relationships all depend on the people who are involved in it. Making a relationship work is WORK. It takes honesty and compassion and patience and forgiveness and willingness to see the person not with the critical eyes of logic, but with the accepting eyes of love.
When a relationship is important to you, you put the relationship’s needs above your own needs. You understand that like a living organism, the relationship requires your love and continuous nurturing. That it is a meeting of equals and sometimes, requires that you only lovingly listen or put a loving arm around someone, when they are down and out. A relationship does not ask that problems be solved; it only asks that you stand fast in the face of the storm. It does not ask of you that which you would not willingly give. It has limits and boundaries but those are only set in order for the relationship to grow, not to change, mold or hinder the people involved.
And for all the differences in relationships, the most important concept is that if it’s ok with you, then it’s ok. You define the parameters of your relationship; you define the hows, wheres and whys, no one else. There is no rule book that you must follow. As with all relationships, the way it flows is entirely up to you. You are there to fulfill the purpose of you and the other person in it. No one else needs to be satisfied by this relationship (unless there are children and that is something else).
There are no rights or wrongs in relationships as long as all willing partners accept the circumstances. There is no one who can define a relationship for another nor can you demand a relationship of another, it is made of equals amount of love and respect and a healthy and generous portion of independence. Because in order for relationships to grow, they must be free.
So as you reach out for that person whom you had a personal relationship with, or someone with whom you are supposed to have an excellent relationship with, remember that relationships happen, they are not made or demanded. They are one of your greatest desires fulfilled, because as humans we want love and support.
Facebook, MySpace, emails, texts, skype and all the other technology are only tools. It is up to you to.
If you are involved in a relationship and you feel that the other person is not an equal or is not equally invested in the relationship and you have tried talking to them to no avail, then walk away. Sometimes the best relationship is the one you let go.
“ Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” GALATIANS 6: 7-9 (KJV)
Monday, February 1, 2010
Faith
Happy February!!! Here is the first day of the second month of the tenth year in this century. Did I lose you??? It is 2/1/2010.
January has been unique. Much has happened in this first month. Most of it good, some of it not so good and nothing so horrible that it cannot be made better. At least I think so.
There were moments there, though, when I felt very confused. Very lost and in a way reproachful of the things that happened.
For example, unless you were hibernating, you couldn’t have missed the earthquake that shattered Port Au Prince, Haiti. The images of the destruction were spectacular; nothing Hollywood could have come up with could have topped those images. The dead bodies in the street, the rubble, the knowing that under that rubble there were even more people who couldn’t get out. And the lucky ones that did get out and have the job of rebuilding. How do you rebuild? How do you get pass that??? I certainly don’t have an answer.
Later on the month, my cousin called to tell me one of our own was now battling a serious disease. I won’t call it deadly, but it certainly is life altering. I thought of him, so young, so full of life. His children will need him always; his girlfriend, now wife, and his parents. Most of all, I identified with his parents. I am a parent, what if my children ever went through something like that? How can I stand there strong and support my child who fights this battle?
In our own legal battles, we found that Lady Justice is only available to some, not all. In order to reach for justice you need deep pockets, and knowing that “justice” is not within our reach was devastating. How do you deal with this limitation? How do you stand in front of the moment and not let it crush you?
Throughout the day, millions of people will deal with circumstances that can break the human spirit. Millions of people will deal with violence, death, loss, frustration and despair. Millions fall in the path of such battles and others are able to stand, able to face the problem in the face and deal with it, regardless of what it may take.
What makes such a difference? What makes some of us fighters? What gives us the strength to deal with these circumstances and not break?
It is FAITH.
I don’t mean choosing a religion and going to church.
I mean having a knowing in your heart that no matter what, you will prevail, you will be ok, and this too shall pass.
Some of us are taught this through our experiences. Some of us are taught by example and some of us just have it, always, innately.
Faith and Inner Strength are not things that are easily taught. How do you teach someone about that feeling in your gut? that it does not matter that you have hit rock bottom, you will get up and you will get better.
As parents we strive to provide our children with the perfect life to ensure that nothing hurts them, that nothing upsets their world. I don’t know if that works, I do know that as someone who had a “challenging” childhood, I learned to cope and deal when I was very young, my inner strength reached body builder status. It helped that my mother would lean on me for support; I had to be the one with the faith to get us through this. Not a very religious person, I indeed developed faith, on tomorrow, on life and on the fact that like all things in nature, everything restores itself.
I used to often envy those that came from homes that were intact, that were loved unconditionally by their parents. I thought that if I had all of that supporting me my life would have been different.
As I have matured and gotten older, I realize that a lot of that faith and inner strength that propelled me when I was younger still sustains me when I am faced with a problem or a situation. I KNOW that I will be ok, I might fall down and get hysterical, more for the drama than anything else, but I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will survive…
I talked to someone this weekend who did not have this inner knowing, who lacked the faith in himself to make a decision. Someone who had created a co-dependent relationship with his mother that he could no longer hear what his inner voice was telling him, all he heard was her advice, her prompting, her control on the reins. He had floundered for the past years without any real direction, following her advice, not that it was bad advice but it took away from him, from his learning, from his growth process, from his faith-building steps.
In her efforts to save him from grief, from pain, from loss, his mother had taken away his experiences and his lessons and his opportunity to create something better. She had lovingly taken over his life. And yes, she had the best of intentions but I gently reminded her, that one day she would not be there and then where would he be? Who will care for him now when she was gone? For she had created an infant in a man’s body, totally lacking any survival skills or instincts, an emotional eunuch.
If at this point this man has not fine tuned his inner compass and his inner strength and his faith, is he doomed to wonder in his path until another woman takes over the place of his mother or will he just live his days without that knowing that all will be well.
We cannot teach our children faith from a book, it won’t be covered in school and even if they do attend Sunday school, not everything will be covered there.
It is our job as parents to give them that. To put together those blocks under their feet so that when they fall they will have something to hold on to, something that will help them get back up again. It is our job to teach them through their own failures and their own contrasts to look beyond the immediate despair and reach to the moment past.
Sometimes the despair is so great that you can only look to it one day at a time, and then little by little your vision expands. And you are able to walk away from the situation stronger than before. Sometimes mistakes are made and sometimes we hurt ourselves or others. However, it is making these mistakes, in taking full responsibility for them that we become fully mature and fully able to look at the world and live a fulfilled life.
So we teach our children Faith. We show them that even if the sun goes away for the winter, spring is usually around the corner. We tell them that sometimes we can stand and fight and sometimes we just take our lesson and walk away with a clearer idea of how to make things better. We tell them that tomorrow is full of the chance to make things better, to make things anew. We let them make their mistakes, carve their path and learn the beat of their own song, because when we are not there to sing it back to them, they will have to carry their own tune.
Listen to your inner voice, love, laugh, leap out and live life and have faith, for all will be well!!!
January has been unique. Much has happened in this first month. Most of it good, some of it not so good and nothing so horrible that it cannot be made better. At least I think so.
There were moments there, though, when I felt very confused. Very lost and in a way reproachful of the things that happened.
For example, unless you were hibernating, you couldn’t have missed the earthquake that shattered Port Au Prince, Haiti. The images of the destruction were spectacular; nothing Hollywood could have come up with could have topped those images. The dead bodies in the street, the rubble, the knowing that under that rubble there were even more people who couldn’t get out. And the lucky ones that did get out and have the job of rebuilding. How do you rebuild? How do you get pass that??? I certainly don’t have an answer.
Later on the month, my cousin called to tell me one of our own was now battling a serious disease. I won’t call it deadly, but it certainly is life altering. I thought of him, so young, so full of life. His children will need him always; his girlfriend, now wife, and his parents. Most of all, I identified with his parents. I am a parent, what if my children ever went through something like that? How can I stand there strong and support my child who fights this battle?
In our own legal battles, we found that Lady Justice is only available to some, not all. In order to reach for justice you need deep pockets, and knowing that “justice” is not within our reach was devastating. How do you deal with this limitation? How do you stand in front of the moment and not let it crush you?
Throughout the day, millions of people will deal with circumstances that can break the human spirit. Millions of people will deal with violence, death, loss, frustration and despair. Millions fall in the path of such battles and others are able to stand, able to face the problem in the face and deal with it, regardless of what it may take.
What makes such a difference? What makes some of us fighters? What gives us the strength to deal with these circumstances and not break?
It is FAITH.
I don’t mean choosing a religion and going to church.
I mean having a knowing in your heart that no matter what, you will prevail, you will be ok, and this too shall pass.
Some of us are taught this through our experiences. Some of us are taught by example and some of us just have it, always, innately.
Faith and Inner Strength are not things that are easily taught. How do you teach someone about that feeling in your gut? that it does not matter that you have hit rock bottom, you will get up and you will get better.
As parents we strive to provide our children with the perfect life to ensure that nothing hurts them, that nothing upsets their world. I don’t know if that works, I do know that as someone who had a “challenging” childhood, I learned to cope and deal when I was very young, my inner strength reached body builder status. It helped that my mother would lean on me for support; I had to be the one with the faith to get us through this. Not a very religious person, I indeed developed faith, on tomorrow, on life and on the fact that like all things in nature, everything restores itself.
I used to often envy those that came from homes that were intact, that were loved unconditionally by their parents. I thought that if I had all of that supporting me my life would have been different.
As I have matured and gotten older, I realize that a lot of that faith and inner strength that propelled me when I was younger still sustains me when I am faced with a problem or a situation. I KNOW that I will be ok, I might fall down and get hysterical, more for the drama than anything else, but I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will survive…
I talked to someone this weekend who did not have this inner knowing, who lacked the faith in himself to make a decision. Someone who had created a co-dependent relationship with his mother that he could no longer hear what his inner voice was telling him, all he heard was her advice, her prompting, her control on the reins. He had floundered for the past years without any real direction, following her advice, not that it was bad advice but it took away from him, from his learning, from his growth process, from his faith-building steps.
In her efforts to save him from grief, from pain, from loss, his mother had taken away his experiences and his lessons and his opportunity to create something better. She had lovingly taken over his life. And yes, she had the best of intentions but I gently reminded her, that one day she would not be there and then where would he be? Who will care for him now when she was gone? For she had created an infant in a man’s body, totally lacking any survival skills or instincts, an emotional eunuch.
If at this point this man has not fine tuned his inner compass and his inner strength and his faith, is he doomed to wonder in his path until another woman takes over the place of his mother or will he just live his days without that knowing that all will be well.
We cannot teach our children faith from a book, it won’t be covered in school and even if they do attend Sunday school, not everything will be covered there.
It is our job as parents to give them that. To put together those blocks under their feet so that when they fall they will have something to hold on to, something that will help them get back up again. It is our job to teach them through their own failures and their own contrasts to look beyond the immediate despair and reach to the moment past.
Sometimes the despair is so great that you can only look to it one day at a time, and then little by little your vision expands. And you are able to walk away from the situation stronger than before. Sometimes mistakes are made and sometimes we hurt ourselves or others. However, it is making these mistakes, in taking full responsibility for them that we become fully mature and fully able to look at the world and live a fulfilled life.
So we teach our children Faith. We show them that even if the sun goes away for the winter, spring is usually around the corner. We tell them that sometimes we can stand and fight and sometimes we just take our lesson and walk away with a clearer idea of how to make things better. We tell them that tomorrow is full of the chance to make things better, to make things anew. We let them make their mistakes, carve their path and learn the beat of their own song, because when we are not there to sing it back to them, they will have to carry their own tune.
Listen to your inner voice, love, laugh, leap out and live life and have faith, for all will be well!!!
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