People come in and out of your life. It is a process, a general occurrence and it does not reflect ill on you or the person making their exit, it is just expired time together. Life pulls you down different pathways and well, you walk away from each other.
Most people move on, most people are ok with this and shrug it off to life being life and well, you just deal with it.
But it doesn’t have to be so anymore. Facebook helps you reach into corners of the world where you thought you would never go back to. You reconnect with people whom you thought were long gone from your life and through the computer and a little voyeurism, you can instantly create an artificial intimacy (technology).
What happens when you reach out to someone who does not reach back?
What happens to that friend’s request? Does that person ignore it? Does it mean that they are glad that you are out of their life? Do the memories that live in your mind; are they not the same for the other person? Why have they not accepted you? Perhaps they didn’t get your request? Perhaps they did get it and seeing it did not evoke the same feelings in them as they did in you. Perhaps they have indeed moved on and see no more room for you in their life. Perhaps they cannot reconcile the person they were with the person they are and you are just a reminder of that. Perhaps, well, we could speculate until the end of time and we will never know.
Truth is that Facebook allows us to be a bit more impersonal when it comes to the end of these relationships. But in reality the stream of life brings people in and out of your path, constantly.
Relationships are extremely difficult. It is at the very least an exchange and if both people have not achieved and fulfilled the purpose of that relationship, you may find yourself dragging it out for a long time.
At times only words need to be exchanged to achieve closure, at times only goodbyes need to be said and sometimes, some of us, only want acknowledgement.
Even in families, there are branches that don’t connect to one another and despite efforts to create cohesiveness; you cannot force something that is not there, that doesn’t naturally grow there.
A relationship cannot be coerced into being when it doesn’t flow. If you don’t like your aunt Bertha, chances are you wont be very close to her, you might love her, but you wont feel that closeness. And then there are those that inspire in you more and they are not even blood relationships. They are people who came into your path and became the support system that you desired and they are now an integral part of your life.
There are no rules when it comes to this.
We wish for love to flow with our relatives, with our close friends. Sometimes even siblings are not very close. And we think that it should not be so, that we should count on each other and that we should love each other and be there for one another. And sometimes that does happen. My sister was one of the closest friends that I ever had, and I was honored when she called me her best friend. However, there are times when my mother’s personality and mine crash and it is better not to talk to each other because communication has broken down.
There are some people who are unable to create very many relationships and the ones that they do build, run very deeply. There are also those that have millions of friends and no one who is really close enough.
In a world with as diverse individuals as we are, the ways and shapes of relationships all depend on the people who are involved in it. Making a relationship work is WORK. It takes honesty and compassion and patience and forgiveness and willingness to see the person not with the critical eyes of logic, but with the accepting eyes of love.
When a relationship is important to you, you put the relationship’s needs above your own needs. You understand that like a living organism, the relationship requires your love and continuous nurturing. That it is a meeting of equals and sometimes, requires that you only lovingly listen or put a loving arm around someone, when they are down and out. A relationship does not ask that problems be solved; it only asks that you stand fast in the face of the storm. It does not ask of you that which you would not willingly give. It has limits and boundaries but those are only set in order for the relationship to grow, not to change, mold or hinder the people involved.
And for all the differences in relationships, the most important concept is that if it’s ok with you, then it’s ok. You define the parameters of your relationship; you define the hows, wheres and whys, no one else. There is no rule book that you must follow. As with all relationships, the way it flows is entirely up to you. You are there to fulfill the purpose of you and the other person in it. No one else needs to be satisfied by this relationship (unless there are children and that is something else).
There are no rights or wrongs in relationships as long as all willing partners accept the circumstances. There is no one who can define a relationship for another nor can you demand a relationship of another, it is made of equals amount of love and respect and a healthy and generous portion of independence. Because in order for relationships to grow, they must be free.
So as you reach out for that person whom you had a personal relationship with, or someone with whom you are supposed to have an excellent relationship with, remember that relationships happen, they are not made or demanded. They are one of your greatest desires fulfilled, because as humans we want love and support.
Facebook, MySpace, emails, texts, skype and all the other technology are only tools. It is up to you to.
If you are involved in a relationship and you feel that the other person is not an equal or is not equally invested in the relationship and you have tried talking to them to no avail, then walk away. Sometimes the best relationship is the one you let go.
“ Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” GALATIANS 6: 7-9 (KJV)
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